Dear Miriam,

I love your letters every week, but I have a big problem. I want confidence. Is there any course I could do to help me?

I would love to be able to read at mass. I was asked to do a reading lately and I shook. I said: “No way.” So many people ask me to do things, like say a prayer of the faithful at weddings or a reading. If I thought I was at mass and I was receiving Holy Communion and I knew they said something about me, I could just shake or just be late for mass. I could not go up near the front. I would just start shaking and my heart pounding.

I come across lovely, confident and very happily married with kids. Can you please help me? I don’t want counsellors – just a little help from a course. I know I can do it. Everyone has so much confidence around me and I want to be the same.

Cork Writer

Dear Cork Writer,

Thank you for your letter. A lot of people have a fear of public speaking or struggle with self-confidence, so you are not alone. But the good news is there are lots of people that can help.

Just as you mention in your letter that you would like to read at mass, I did a little research to see if I could find any course that specifically focuses on building confidence for public speaking. As luck would have it, I came across a night course at Douglas Community School in Cork this autumn called “Gift of the Gab” that bills itself as a “friendly, relaxed” class that helps participants gain confidence to speak at everything from work presentations to family occasions. The course will run every Tuesday from 6.30-8pm over eight weeks and costs €70. Alternatively, they also offer a “Live Life Now” personal development course on Wednesdays from 7-9pm for eight weeks for €90.

The college will hold an enrolment night on 14 September from 7-8pm or you can enrol in the office from 5 September. Call 021-429-4208 for more information.

While you are not interested in counselling per say, it still might be worth considering seeing somebody in terms of a little personal development. A professional counsellor could help you get to the root of what makes your heart pound in public and develop skills – perhaps using techniques like mindfulness etc – to build your confidence, all in confidential setting. You could check with your local family/women’s centre to see what services they offer, or find a registered counsellor on www.iacp.ie

There is a whole world of opportunity out there, but often we let fear stop us fulfilling our true potential. Yet, with a little support, we can truly blossom. I wish you the best of luck.

A Reader Writes: Friendship and

companionship are important

Dear Miriam,

Well done to the reader who signed himself “Let Down” for opening the lid on the long-suffering husbands of the country. I’m married for over 40 years to a frozen, stone-cold wife. On her positive side, she’s a marvellous person to manage money and make a living. But on the personal side, she’s cold and has no feelings at all. She also has a dangerous temper.

For many years she used physical violence. I have many marks on my body inflicted by her. When I showed some of these to a priest friend of the family, she stopped it and it was a cruel shock to her to let the priest know this, as she is held in great esteem in the community. The violence then changed to mental form, ie months of silence, banging doors and throwing ware and cutlery into the sink. This was even worse than the physical violence.

She tried to turn the children against me. She succeeded with the youngest. He doesn’t speak to me at all. Sex was only for making babies. Since the youngest was conceived over 30 years ago, there has been no sex, not even a hug or a cuddle.

A few years ago I started going to social dance centres (something I never thought I’d see myself doing). This gave me a new lease of life and I learned a lot about the social world that’s out there for the more senior age group. There’s loads of friendship and love out there. Let’s be realistic about this: we’re not randy teenagers and it’s not all about sex. Friendship and companionship are very important. Just someone to ring you and ask how you are today can mean so much.

Munster Reader