Christmas time is a time for family and getting together. A special occasion happening over the holiday season made 2017 one to remember. Tim’s Mum, Lil, turned 90 on 6 January.

It was time for the O’Leary and Coleman clans to come together to honour this lively, loving matriarch. Lil has always enjoyed “Little Christmas”. For many of us, it marks the last day of the season and the removal of the Christmas tree. For Lil, it is simply her birthday.

Birthdays afford the opportunity to tell someone how much they are loved. Let’s face it, we don’t do that often enough. There are many kinds of love; the love of one’s partner, parents, children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters. All represent special bonds that are natural bonds. Outside of those there are the ties of friendships and marriage that can sustain us through thick and thin.

MOTHER-IN-LAW SUPREME

Lil has been my mother-in-law for 35 years and I knew her for a few years before that. I remember with fondness and trepidation the very first day that I met her. It was a Sunday morning in 1977.

After mass, Tim announced that he was going to bring me to meet his parents. I was terrified and delighted at the same time. It meant that he was serious about our relationship.

I took it for granted that he would have told his parents about his plans, but sure boys never plan anything like that. I have a suspicion that mother and son may not have been on particularly good terms that morning. But I was oblivious to it all.

I was fussing about what I was wearing as I’d no notice of the visit. Little did I know that Lil and Denis hadn’t either. Lil was hand washing clothes in the back kitchen sink. Tim called out, “mum” and nothing more! Without looking around, Lil answered rather crossly

Tim, what do you want now?

I shrank beside him. Lil half turned around. Taking me in, she automatically reached behind her to undo her apron strings while shooting dagger looks at her first born.

I’m not sure what we said to each other in those first few awkward moments. We proceeded into the kitchen where my late father-in-law, Denis, was perusing the Sunday papers. Looking up, he said

So this is the Tipperary heifer that we’ve been hearing about?

And so my relationship with my future in-laws began.

Hats off to Lil, I can honestly say that over the 40 years that we’ve known each other, a cross word has never passed between us. We acknowledge that we annoyed each other at times but life and relationships are much too important to allow silly upsets to come between us. The men often had their barneys but we never let it get between us. We are both proud of how we managed ourselves through good times and bad times in life and in farming over the years.

In the early days, Lil did all she could to help me out with the children, often babysitting, often grabbing washing off the line. When her first-born grandchild, Julie, was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, she was devastated. Lil loves Julie with ferocity unparalleled.

Three years later, Diarmuid, her first-born grandson, arrived with Down’s syndrome and many complications. It was tough on her. His care was very specific so it was difficult for her to be as involved as she had been with Julie.

Then followed Philip and Colm. Nana, as she is known to her 16 grandchildren, is a tremendous grandmother, keeping track of them all. They visit her regularly and her house is the designated meeting point for all of us to catch up with the family news.

Tim has four siblings and each of the families have had their own challenges over the years. Lil has always been there to give support to the family most in need at that time. She is the rock that represents the O’Leary/Coleman family values.

Nana might not always agree with your decision and it may take her a bit of time, but she will always respect your decision. She is magnanimous in that regard. She is a gracious lady but doggedly determined. When she smashed her shoulder a few years back, we saw her grit her teeth through pain and slowly work herself back to activity again. She even remastered her knitting.

TREASURED GIFT

Her celebration emulated her values, a lunch with her immediate family. She had a few special guests, one of whom she has known since national school. Teresa Morrissey and Lil went to school together. We fondly refer to them as Thelma and Louise. They are always having fun and laughing. At 90 years of age it is a joy to behold them.

Fitting tributes were paid to Lil, mentioning her dedication and care of Denis during his illness, and extreme gratitude to her for her love and guidance to everyone. In reply, she wished “everyone in the room 90 years and more of life”.

A few days previously I had opened a Christmas box from Lil, in it I found three pairs of perfectly knitted woollen socks. They are just the job for the wellies. Over the years I’ve washed hundreds of them for the lads and never thought anymore about them except to marvel every time at the stitch perfection.

To feel and call three pairs of them my own has been an unexpected delight. That’s Lil for you. She always knows how to touch the spot with scones, socks and stories or just wise words of wisdom cradled in love. We look forward to Lil’s 100th birthday. CL

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