I recently moved back in with my parents. We live in a remote village. I hadn’t planned on moving home, but I went back for Christmas and enjoyed the home comforts – full fridge, washing done, dinner on the table every night, family time etc. I thought I’d take advantage of the down time.
I was flat out on the dating apps when I lived in the city. I tried to keep this up when I moved home, but as you can expect, there aren’t as many people closeby on them.
We were getting on really well. We had a lot in common
To counteract this, I widened the net by extending the age range to include men over 20 years my senior. As a woman in my 20s, this was unchartered territory.
I was messaging one man for a few weeks. We were getting on really well. We had a lot in common.
We’ve been on a few dates now, but I’m nervous about telling my parents
I was apprehensive about meeting up with him for a number of reasons – the high COVID-19 numbers and the age gap (gossip travels fast here) but decided to throw caution to the wind as we were really hitting it off over text.
I’m not sure what to do next, Miriam. We’ve been on a few dates now, but I’m nervous about telling my parents. I know they don’t like him. I don’t know what to do, Miriam. I really like him, but I don’t want to upset my parents or put him in an awkward position.
What advice would you give me?
Dear Country Girl,
Thank you very much for getting in touch. Firstly, as you haven’t explicitly stated how many years older this man is than you, I’m going to assume the age gap is quite substantial. Otherwise I imagine you wouldn’t be seeking advice.
We all know the old phrases, “Age is only a number” and “The heart wants, what the heart wants”. I am a believer that who you are romantically involved with, once other parties are not getting intentionally hurt, is largely one’s own business.
The crux of the issue is; you are worried about how your parents will react to you dating this man. A very normal feeling
However, in saying that, I do not try to take away or belittle the uncertainty you may be feeling.
With the above disclaimer, that I do believe it is up to you who you date, I will offer some advice. The crux of the issue is; you are worried about how your parents will react to you dating this man. A very normal feeling.
I think what might help is to weigh up how serious you are with this man against telling your parents. So think about; is this a serious relationship? Do you want it to be a serious relationship? And has it the potential to be a serious relationship?
Without being too blunt, I don’t know if it is worth ruffling too many feathers if this isn’t going to be a long-term thing.
If you are both on the same page, then you should discuss telling your parents
If you do see this as a serious relationship, I think you should talk to this man. Ascertain does he feel the same way and do you want the same things.
If you are both on the same page, then you should discuss telling your parents. Once that is done, all that is left to do is bite the bullet and tell them. Even if your parents are mad, everything will cool down in time when they see you are happy.
Also, you haven’t disclosed why exactly, but maybe take into consideration why your parents don’t like this man. Is there a serious reason or is it over something frivolous?
I know many couples where there is an age gap and they are perfectly happy. One pair in particular, in not too dissimilar a situation to yourself, hid their relationship for quite a long time and were shocked (and relieved) at the little fanfare made when they went public.
Again, to reiterate, it is up to you who you love. Do what makes you happy, but box clever.
Wishing you all the best,