"Dear Miriam,

I’m from a farming background, but I am now living and working in Dublin. I have been single for the last few years, but after much persuasion from my friends I decided to try online dating and met a man just before Christmas. He is attractive, has a good job, his own house, etc, and we get on well, so I should be over the moon. There is just one thing that causes me concern: I’m worried that he might be a bit of a miser.

On our first date I offered to split the bill and he accepted without putting up any argument. Since then, every time we have met, we have each paid for ourselves. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think the man should pay for everything, but even on Valentine’s weekend I ended up paying for my own dinner.

He doesn’t believe in tipping either, so I have ended up trying to sneak a few euro to the waiter/waitress out of embarrassment. Another night we went to the cinema and when I suggested that we could get popcorn and drinks he launched into a big speech about how extortionate the prices were. I felt like I couldn’t even buy a Coke for myself then. He also has an app on his phone where he logs his spending (even down to a coffee) and he seems to use those Groupon deals whenever he can. I know it’s not a sin to be careful with money and I hate waste myself. However, I do think you need to live a little from time to time, especially if you can afford to do so.

Apart from that we do get on well and after being single for a few years it’s great to have that bit of excitement again. However, I’ve read enough letters on your page from other women who married misers and I’m worried that this may be a warning sign to cut my losses now and run. I don’t even know how I can bring the topic up with him. What do you think I should do?"

Áine, Dublin

Dear Áine,

Oh dear. By the sounds of it this guy is still hoarding his Communion money in his post office account.

Joking aside, I agree that financial savviness is an admirable trait, but there is a line between being sensible and being a skinflint. Of course, a man should not be expected to pay for everything in this day and age and going Dutch is usually the fairest option, but if he’s whipping out the phone to log a packet of polo mints I’m not surprised it’s setting off alarm bells.

Who knows, perhaps he grew up in a household where money was tight and that is why he is so obsessed with controlling his spending? Or maybe I’m just reading too much into it. Either way, if it’s making you feel uncomfortable at this early stage, I think you either have to address it or cut your losses and leave.

I know that it’s not easy to talk about money at the best of times, but it’s something that you need to be honest about. Tell him that while you enjoy his company, you are concerned that you have different attitudes when it comes to spending and while it’s probably unintentional, it means you find it hard to relax.

Whether he takes it on board or not is another matter, but if he can’t compromise at this stage I think it’s best to walk away. Otherwise you could find yourself in a very difficult situation down the line when there’s a lot more at stake than a regular popcorn and Coke at the cinema. I wish you the best of luck.