Do you suffer from 'perfectionitis?'

There is an old Irish proverb which goes something like this: Ni bhionn saoi gan locht – there is no wise man without a flaw.

No one is perfect. Far from it. Truth is, human beings all have flaws and foibles – you, me, all of us. We are all flawed and yet, perhaps, you are perfect in your imperfections.

Despite that self-evident truth, many people nowadays suffer from what I call “perfectionitis” or the condition of perfectionism. Sometimes driven by the desire to project a ‘perfect image’ on social media.

Here are some clues to consider if you may be suffering from perfectionitis.

Fear of Failure

Perfectionists are far more afraid to fail than high-achievers are, which takes from their ability to enjoy the process of fruitful effort and engagement. What a pity given that the only real failure in life is the failure to try.

Distorted Belief Systems

The distorted belief that perfection is a realistic and reachable goal and beating yourself up with guilt at the first sign of imperfection. Believing in the myth of talent, a fixed mindset that if at first you don’t succeed, you should simply quit.

Depressed By Unmet Goals

Perfectionists tend to wallow in negativity when their often unrealistic goals aren’t realised, weighing themselves down with self-criticism. By contrast, high-achievers tend to be far more resilient in terms of attaining growth and meaning from life’s inevitable setbacks, failures and disappointments.

Procrastination

It is ironic that perfectionism and procrastination tend to go hand in hand. However, the fear of failing can become a major block to simply starting. The perfectionist may be paralysed by the fear of simply not being ‘perfect’ enough. This can lead to anxiety and accentuate a vicious cycle of failure, anxiety, and procrastination.

Negative Thinking Patterns

Perfectionists tend to be gold medalists in negative thinking patterns, including should have, could have, all-or-nothing thinking. Stuck in a past of regret or consumed by future anxieties, where “almost perfect” is seen as failure. Perfectionists want to attain seemingly unreachable standards and will settle for nothing less than, well, perfection.

Self-Critical

The perfectionist is often consumed by feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, impacting self-confidence and self-esteem. Perfectionists tend to be highly self-critical and unhappy as a result. Furthermore, this critical nature and sense of rigidity can push others away, leading to loneliness, social isolation and low self-esteem.

Defensiveness

Unlike high-achievers who can see criticism as valuable information to support their future performance, perfectionists tend to be overly defensive to constructive criticism. Perfectionists are experts when it comes to judgement and criticism, not just of themselves but of others too when so-called failures occur.

Of course, it’s good to have high standards. Sometimes systems that have no margin for error are essential (think of the safety standards of flying an aircraft or prescribing the correct dose of life-saving medicine). Quality and safety are key components of good healthcare. The highest of standards are to be expected and, in truth, you deserve no less.

Perfectionism is an unhealthy way of thinking about yourself, about unrealistic standards. This can become a big problem, whereby the pursuit of perfection comes with a fear of failure or criticism from others. Where negative self-talk predominates, triggering feelings of anxiety and inadequacy, it can play havoc with your self-confidence and sense of self-worth.

For many people, perfectionism starts in childhood, whether at school or at home, where feelings of self-worth are married to achievements.

Perfectionism can become very debilitating in the context of social anxiety, eating disorders and obsessive compulsive disorders (OCD). One of the biggest side effects of perfectionism is procrastination. Quite simply, the anxiety of believing a task must be perfect can create an insurmountable anxiety to starting it. The resulting avoidance behaviour can initially be distracting, but eventually ramps up anxiety levels even further. This leads to a cycle of avoiding tasks that make you anxious, which, in turn, makes your anxiety even worse.

One of the challenges is to balance the desire for achievement fueled by perfectionism with a need for self-compassion and kindness.

Here are some tips:

1 Know yourself better by keeping a written journal. Who you are and what you value? Is your self-talk positive or negative? What do you say to yourself about your efforts?

2 Be more humble. Accept that you are a human being, imperfect and far from fallible. Everyone can make a mistake and fall short at times. Remember your mistakes. You have survived them. Learn from this.

3 Don’t take yourself too seriously. Learn to lighten up and laugh. Be kinder to yourself. By all means take your obligations and commitments seriously, but not when it comes to yourself.

4 What’s the opportunity cost? By that I mean what’s the price you are paying for the barrage of self-criticism, for not matching up to your own self-imposed standards of perfectionism? It can be very liberating to simply accept yourself for who you are.

5 Focus more on what you have to be grateful for. Expressing gratitude by writing down three things you feel grateful for each day is a powerful way to dissolve feelings of anxiety and inadequacy.

6 Talk therapy. Consider seeing a professional therapist for talk therapy if your feelings of perfectionism are getting out of hand.

7 Prioritise. Think about your current goals and commitments and label them A, B, C or D depending on how you prioritise them in terms of their importance. Be honest with yourself.

8 Ask yourself how can you face your fears and move forward? Imagine if there was no such thing as failure. Truth is, you can’t fail, not really. You produce results and your interpretation by and large determines whether you see those results as ticking the box that says success or failure. I believe it is so much better to ask yourself: ‘What will I do with the results I produce?’ You had an experience which provides the opportunity for reflection, learning and real emotional and spiritual growth. Feel grateful for this opportunity, liberated from your fears, free to become more of the beautiful, creative person you are destined to become.

There is an old, wise saying that you see the world less as it is and more as you are. Neuroscience backs this up, with recent research showing that about 90% of what you see is based on your brain’s interpretation of reality.