But now I know why the media has such a frenzied love affair with politics. Election 2016 is different. It’s gloriously entertaining, in a “You’ve Been Framed” sort of way.

When I come in from work, the dog is often spread across the couch, lounging in all his glory. I whistle but he doesn’t bat an eyelid.

“How dare you to interrupt my leisure time, human…”

I continue into the kitchen and make a beeline for sustenance. The distinct sound of the opening fridge door accompanies its nutritious hum. I stare into the light. What’ll it be?

“Oh, down boy…”

Suddenly I have a new pal. Eyes wide, head cocked sideways, tongue teetering. Thirty seconds ago, he didn’t want to know. Now, he’s affectionately pawing my shin looking for a slice of Denny’s.

There is an air of doggy desperation about some would-be TDs. The start of canvassing has been akin to my opening fridge.

“You haven’t fixed those potholes yet. You can have a slice … sorry vote, then.”

Fair play

Promises are being fired around like Celtic Tiger credit.

Interestingly, one party is going to add value to beef by encouraging young bull production, while reducing carbon emissions with specialist grazing systems.

The carbon footprint of a 16-month-old bull is 10kg CO2e/kg liveweight. All else being equal, squeezing that animal, returning to grass and slaughtering at 24 months increases his carbon emissions by 9%. Grass-fed beef, rich in beneficial fatty acids – now there’s an opportunity for adding value.

Something seems backwards here.

What of the Kildare politician who patted himself on the back for securing 150 positions in a micro-brewery? Fair play, I said, until the brewery’s founder stated that he had talked to this politician twice in his life and branded him a disgrace.

The telly debates are a chuckle too. I even switched off Benidorm to watch the leaders’ debate last night. Some leaders, more like squabbling Big Brother housemates – not that I’ve watched it mind.

It seems certain politicians are but dictaphones, regurgitating what those behind the curtain say, like Leaving Cert geography students.

They should take an example from the IFA presidential candidates.

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