I’m in spot of bother with Mrs P and may have to ask Miriam in Irish Country Living for her advice on how to deal with this situation which I’ve gotten myself into.

Like all these sorts of things, it started very simply.

I told Mrs P in my nicest, most gentle voice that a particular machine was due for replacement and while I didn’t need her permission, I felt obliged to tell her.

I greatly needed Mrs P to be onside. Without her blessing I’d be on my tod.

“It can’t be the combine,” she said, “you bought one of those green ones last year”. The accuracy of her recall and the sheer depth of her knowledge mildly shocked me. “No, no, it’s nothing like that,” I quickly replied, “and anyhow it’s much cheaper”.

“I suppose it’s another Fendt tractor then,” said Mrs P, her patience wearing thin with this little game. Though I have to say, she’s a very patient person and the complete opposite to me.

“No, I’ve enough of tractors and besides you’re still thinking too much money.”

New Batemans are crazy money. That won’t happen unless I get a call from Lotto’s Nuala Carey

I was anxious to get the message across while the going was good. “Oh, I don’t know, it’s hardly a new Bateman sprayer, is it? You love that old Bateman you have,” she replied a little accusingly and so well she might.

New Batemans are crazy money. That won’t happen unless I get a call from Lotto’s Nuala Carey.

“I wish,” said I, “but I’d need to talk to Christine Lagarde of the ECB to sanction that.” Better not mention Nuala. It was time to cut to the chase while I still held Mrs P’s attention. Her sister could ring any minute and I’d have lost the opportunity for at least an hour.

“It’s the little Mazda MX-5,” I said, beginning to make my case, something I used to have to do with my late father when I wanted to buy a machine. It was a good training and I’d use it now. I blurted out that the current MX-5 was carbon-dated as being built in 2007 and while it was ultra-reliable, now was the time to change it. This much went down OK. I’d spotted a possible replacement online in Windsor Liffey Valley.

We looked at the car first which I liked but I’d get better value and the spec I wanted in Northern Ireland

“I could get you an early Christmas present in Liffey, couldn’t I?” Mrs P agreed and the proposed Mazda has just risen considerably in price for me. So I ditched the Snickers workwear and off we headed.

We looked at the car first which I liked but I’d get better value and the spec I wanted in Northern Ireland. Besides, the ice was broken, helped by patiently honouring my side of the deal with Mrs P.

Looking to the North

“Why don’t we go up and see your Dad in Strabane and we could look in Pat Kirk Mazda in Omagh on the way,” I gingerly asked, a few days later. I already knew they had three contenders.

So off we went to Omagh and sure enough one of the used MX-5s was a cracker.

But being a slightly sportier model (an RF) to my existing one, Mrs P thought it was far too racy and especially so in fire engine red.

“Auch, you can’t be serious at your age,” said Mrs P in a more pronounced Northern Ireland accent. She always becomes more northern once we cross the border. Long story short, I bought the car a week later from super salesperson, Ciara.

But now Mrs P tells me she won’t be coming with me on drives. And Bruno told me I’ll look like a right p***k in it. Help please, Miriam.