Dear Miriam,

I would like to say to farmers thinking of retirement or handing over the farm to their children: “Don’t ever retire.”

Some years ago, I retired and leased my farm to my son for a number of years. He told me at that time that the number of years that the lease was for was plenty for him. Some time into the lease, we had a disagreement and when the lease was up he refused to vacate the farm. For years and years, I have endured the most terrible beatings and abuse – from getting his closed fist in my chest or his boot on some part of my body. Have other parents horror stories to tell?

Worried Parent

Dear Worried Parent,

Due to the nature of this letter, I have consulted Age Action who have this advice for any parent or person in a similar situation:

“Elder abuse is a horrific experience and too often it is a family member who is the perpetrator, which leaves many older people too afraid or ashamed to complain. There is no need to feel ashamed or to protect your family, and Age Action urges any older person who is suffering from abuse to speak out. You can contact your public health nurse or the HSE elder abuse case worker for your area. The case worker can be contacted at HSE, Monday to Saturday, 8am-8pm on Call Save 1850-24-1850, or email info@hse.ie. If you just need to speak to someone unofficially, you can contact Age Action at 01-475-6989 or the Senior Helpline at 1850-440-444.”

From a legal point of view, it is also worth considering applying for a protection order, which can be taken out against a family member, and not just a spouse. Also, if an individual has refused to vacate, another option is to apply to court for an order seeking possession. Fear and intimidation may often prevent people taking such a step, but it is certainly something worth discussing with a solicitor in detail.

A Reader Writes

Don’t waste your best years

Dear Miriam,

Regarding the recent letter from “Sarah, Leinster” and the boyfriend of three years (published 4 January edition), I feel Sarah should ask this man a few direct questions.

Why did his previous engagement end badly? She might learn a few things that are unpalatable. Also, does he own that farm? Has anyone else a stake in it? He is lucky to have her on his arm, complete with the public salary. Is she, by any chance, financially helping him?

Her years for having babies are slipping by. He can procreate 20 years from now if he gets another “young one” for himself.

His treatment of her with the rings and his comment speaks volumes. She should give him two months, no contact, and let him put his cards on the table re. marriage/family/the future. It will be too late for Sarah in 15-20 years. Her best years will be gone. So if he dithers, she should end it.

Miriam, I have seen it too many times. He would pass her on the street, with possibly a wife and family, and would not give her a glance.

I have seen so many girls hurt, their best years wasted. I felt compelled to write this.

Regards Wicklow Reader

Dear Wicklow Reader,

Thank you for taking the time to get in touch and for sharing your concerns for Sarah. I agree completely that there are questions to be asked, but rather than a sudden, severing of contact, I think it would be better if both parties had an honest discussion on the matter first. However, if Sarah was still not satisfied, there would be merit in a “break” of a month or two, as you suggest, to not only show her partner what he stands to lose, but, more importantly, to give Sarah the time and space to decide what she really wants, and whether this really is the right relationship for her. Hopefully, she will make the right decision. Thanks again for your letter. CL