Dear Miriam,

I am living alone since my husband died three years ago after a short illness. My two grown-up children live nearby (my son runs the farm now part time) and while they are very good to me, they have their own families and jobs and lives to lead, so I try not to be a nuisance to them. I have a few good friends, but I don’t get out as much as I used to as I’m not great on the legs.

My problem is this; though you might think it is silly. A few years before my husband got sick, he got a dog, though it turned out to be more of a pet than a working farm dog. I never would have considered myself a dog person, but after my husband died, I had to take care of him and in time, grew very attached to him.

A few weeks ago, the dog fell very ill and the vet said that the most humane thing was to put him to sleep

You might think I’m completely mad, but he turned out to be great company, and I used to enjoy my little chats with him, even if the conversation was only going the one way! It was also nice to come home to a big welcome whenever I would go out, rather than an empty house.

A few weeks ago, the dog fell very ill and the vet said that the most humane thing was to put him to sleep. I did not want him to suffer, so I went with his advice. My son came along after and took care of his remains. Of course, he and my daughter were upset that the dog had passed away as they were fond of him, but life went back to normal soon after for them.

I still forget that he is gone at times and will go to call him or fill his bowl, and then remember

However, I can’t get over how much I miss him. I still forget that he is gone at times and will go to call him or fill his bowl, and then remember. The house has never been as quiet.

I know that he was just an animal, and that I should pull myself together, but in a way, it’s almost like losing a friend. But it feels too silly to talk about. At least writing this letter is one way to say how I feel, even if you don’t have the chance to answer it.

Mary, Cork

Dear Mary,

Thank you for your letter. The first thing I would like to say is how sorry I am to hear about your loss. No doubt your dog was a great connection to your late husband and it’s obvious from your letter what wonderful company he turned out to be. (And by the way, I think that talking to animals is great; sure they never answer you back!)

But on a more serious note, I would encourage you to acknowledge that you are grieving. That is natural and nothing to feel “silly” about.

Could you plant a tree or shrub in the garden for him?

Of course, we can’t bring him back, but perhaps we can look at ways to honour his memory. Have you any picture of him that you could frame and put up at home, for example? Could you plant a tree or shrub in the garden for him? Or write down some of your favourite memories in a little journal? Whatever feels comfortable for you, go for it.

In time, you might consider getting another pet, but don’t rush the process

I would also encourage you not to be afraid to talk about your dog to those closest to you who will understand. If you are not comfortable to do that yet, however, I have come across a support organisation called Solace Pet Loss Ireland www.solacepetlossireland.com, or you could even call Samaritans on 116 123 at any time for a gentle, listening ear. The Irish Hospice Foundation also have a leaflet on pet bereavement; you can call 01-679-3188 for further information.

In time, you might consider getting another pet, but don’t rush the process. My last little bit of advice is not to write yourself off as “a nuisance” to anybody. I am sure you have provided so much love and care to your children and friends through the years that they would be more than happy to support you at this time if you tell them how you feel. The important thing is not to be alone. Wishing you all the best.