I will never forget the moment of hearing the word “malignant”.

My mortality came into stark review. There was suddenly urgency. I couldn’t sleep or concentrate.

There is a learning process when one receives a cancer diagnosis or unexpected, difficult news. Firstly; there is shock, incredulity and lots of confusion. It takes time to process the new situation. If you are in this space, try to take one day at a time. I promise, you will feel better. Go easy on yourself. And yes – you have every right to feel angry, fearful and sad. It will pass and you will regain your equilibrium.

Stop thinking

There are a number of things that helped me. Just stopping over-thinking is the first step to recovery. For a while, the number of unknowns were driving me crazy. I felt alone in my bubble, but I wasn’t. I had loads of questions and I wanted answers immediately. The waiting is hard.

My family was amazing. They, too, had questions. My daughter Julie asked me one day: “Mum, do I know everything about your diagnosis that you do?” I answered: “Yes, you know everything I know.” She was happy. I have always been perfectly truthful with my children.

This basis of honesty lays a carpet of trust that cushions, consoles and celebrates each of us in good times and bad

In fact, if there is something serious to be told, I’m paranoid about telling them all within minutes of each other. I know they appreciate that honesty. This basis of honesty lays a carpet of trust that cushions, consoles and celebrates each of us in good times and bad.

I was able to trust that I was hearing the truth when I needed their evaluations and advice about my diagnosis.

Talk about it

A mother’s word or indeed a father’s must be trustworthy if your relationship is to flourish. While an open policy is fostered within the family unit, there are times when you must keep a secret. A son or daughter may confide in you; needing support or guidance or needing a friendly ear. I listen carefully, knowing that I am extremely privileged to be taken into their confidence. As families grow and expand and new members join, the trust also has to embrace new people. It takes time to grasp a family’s ethos and it is important to give the new relationship the attention it deserves. The fact that I had to take time to recover from surgery and its complications probably gave me too much time to think. It also helped me to focus on the bigger picture and desist from worrying about trivia. We waste a lot of time on stuff that doesn’t really make any difference to the future. Ask yourself; are these thoughts necessary?

I got so many funny WhatsApp videos. Each one chipped away at my shell, making me smile a little, and then some more

I wondered: “Who would take on the mundane stuff no husband or child knows about?” That’s when I knew I’d moved to a darker place and it was time to pull back. My family knew this and we talked. Talking about it really did help me keep things in perspective. My friends, too, were incredibly patient. When trauma is experienced, it is only natural that we talk about it too much. That’s OK. It’s part of healing. My friends told me to mind myself.

I got so many funny WhatsApp videos. Each one chipped away at my shell, making me smile a little, and then some more. I was taken for walks. I recovered.

Never hold back from telling someone you are thinking about them. It really helps and doesn’t matter if you don’t know what to say.

My family showered me with love and things which made recovery easier

My husband Tim was patient, kind and loving; coaxing me back to full health with his care. Every time I looked around, my sister seemed to be in the kitchen bringing food. My friends and cousins brought dinners. My sisters-in-law ferried me to appointments.

My family showered me with love and things which made recovery easier. My sons’ fiancées did several of their “deep cleans” of the house. I’m happy for them to keep them up. My brother researched best practice and honed the questions that should be asked of consultants.

I’ve just got a second set of clear scans under my belt and I don’t have to think about them again until next May. I’m ever grateful to the wonderful doctors and health professionals that have made this result happen. Here’s hoping that 2021 will be a good year for us all. The good news is that 2020 is no more!