Hello Miriam,

Monaghan Farmer here. I read your column every week in the Irish Country Living.

A few weeks back, you had a couple of men looking for a woman and finding it difficult. I find it hard myself to meet someone. I’m 49 and a farmer with plenty of land and financially secure. I know there are still good girls out there, but it’s just hard to find them. I would like a good-looking girl, 25 to 40, non-smoker, and single with no ties. Even though I am in my late 40s, I would love to start a family.

I don’t socialise much anymore, as all my friends are settled down at this stage. I hope to hear from nice decent girls looking for a soulmate, who are caring and have a good sense of humour.

Monaghan Farmer

Dear Monaghan Farmer,

Thank you for your letter. You are absolutely right: we seem to be getting a lot of letters recently from men and women who desperately want to meet somebody special, but don’t really know where to start.

Unfortunately, I’m not able to offer a dating service (though that would be interesting!) but I will hopefully be able to point you in the right direction with some options, starting with the “Getting In Touch” service on the opposite page, which would hopefully allow you to connect with women from a farming/rural background. It costs just €30 for four weeks coverage to place an ad and it is free to respond, so it might be worth trying if you have not used the service to date.

If you feel that you might need a little more guidance, you might consider using a specialised dating/match-making agency. I have previously mentioned a company called Matchsticks.ie, which offers tailored match-making as well as fun “dinner dating” events, including special nights for farmers. You can find out more by visiting www.matchsticks.ie or by calling 087 068 0882.

If you are really interested in finding somebody to settle down with, it might also be worth trying a more traditional agency like The Knock Marriage Introduction bureau. According to their website, there are currently 29 “introductions” in steady relationships, with four engagements, while 10 marriages took place last year, so it is certainly worth a try. You can read more on www.knockmarriageintroductions.com or call (094) 937 5960.

All that said, I do think that one of the best ways to meet people is through shared interests. Have you a hobby or an interest that you would like to pursue, like hill walking or drama or cycling? If so, why not look and see what is available to join in your local area? While it might not lead to finding love in the short term, it will certainly extend your social circle, which I think will be very good for you, as a lot of your friends seemed to have settled down, and I’m sure that life can get a little lonely sometimes. Once you are out and about and enjoying yourself, you will naturally get to meet more people through a genuine shared interest – and who knows where that might lead?

Just another point, though. I know you are quite keen to start a family and perhaps that is why you specify that you would like to meet a woman of 25 to 40. Rather than focus on age, however, I think it is much wiser to look for somebody who is on the same wavelength and shares similar values, who you can have a good laugh with and who will be there when times get tough– and vice versa.

I would also add that just because somebody might have been married before or have children from a previous relationship does not mean that they could not be the perfect partner for you, so it is important to keep an open mind – and heart – when it comes to looking for love. I hope this advice is some way useful and wish you all the best in your search.

Read more

He puts the farm before the relationship