This is a subscriber-only article
Last week, when I was having a Zoom call with my trusted consiglieres, Ginger Farrell raised an interesting question.
While the impending coalition of Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael might represent an appalling vista for many, Ginger wondered if it might help to bring together the warring tribes in our club. Traditionally, the O’Sullivans, Horgans and Scanlons were of the green bent while the Hegartys, O’Regans and Keanes were of a bluer hue and the role of chair tended to oscillate between the two cabals. Myself, Ginger and Larry Maher were seen as independents – really, we’re libertarians who oppose any form of organised government – but we keep both sides happy by throwing a tenner into their church-gate collections.
When Ginger asked if, with everybody inside the same tent nationally, we would have peace in our time at club level, I was sceptical, given that there was plenty of conflict within each grouping as they currently existed. Larry made a good point, though – we learned a lot about coalitions back in the mid-2000s, when we had to entertain the darkest of notions, an amalgamation at minor level.
By the time they reached minor, we had barely 15 of the age
For whatever reason, 1987 and 1988 had been fallow in terms of boys’ births in the area and they became fallower still as the numbers dwindled through the teenage years, with lads discovering women and drink. By the time they reached minor, we had barely 15 of the age. There was no shortage of girls of the same age and, if they had played camogie or ladies’ football, it might have softened the blow, but the local hockey club and equestrian centre were the biggest beneficiaries.
Ratharoon, the next parish over, were in a slightly better position but not by much and, after a bit of back-channelling, the motion was discussed at each club’s AGM. There was a lot of dissent at our one, with many fearing it was the start of a slippery slope.
Half of them are cavemen and the other half are worse
Most of the worst comments weren’t minuted, but strategic leaks by opponents to the move ensured that the Ratharoon lads heard about it. They couldn’t complain much – one of their prominent club members had said of us that: “Half of them are cavemen and the other half are worse.”
Nevertheless, a marriage of convenience was consummated and I found myself as a selector on the new combined minor team. As anyone who has been involved in politics will tell you, the way to seem reasonable is to start with outlandish demands before meeting in the middle. We wear green and white and Ratharoon are blue and white, so a green/blue hooped jersey was the compromise, but I had thrown in a dig with the suggestion that our tops be used as we were the older club. The river Drumgoole runs through both areas, so Drumgoole Rovers was the logical name but, again, I let on that that was a concession on our part by opening with the idea that it should be named after Bernie Butler, a great Cumann na mBan leader from our area.
Mark Fleming was a great shot-stopper and an accurate kickout, but under the dropping ball he was like an air-traffic controller
Once the admin side was sorted, it was time to build a team and, again, we championed the case of a few no-hopers before admitting defeat so that, when there was a genuine 50:50, the Ratharoon lads’ better natures would get the better of them and they’d go with our man. Still though, as Sun Tzu said, it was all about knowing your enemy – once this cosy little arrangement came to an end, we would be opponents again for long enough.
The football goalkeeper, Ratharoon’s Mark Fleming, was a great shot-stopper and an accurate kickout, but under the dropping ball he was like an air-traffic controller, waving the ball in, and he was prone to lapses in concentration. He could have been coached in that area but, with such a little window to prepare as the Leaving Cert – remember that? – interfered, we needed a quick fix. I listened to Mark’s concerns and brought about a masterstroke as Will Walsh, our 6’5” midfielder, was coaxed into playing full-back as the cutodian’s minder. Ratharoon had two big strong lads in the middle anyway and it made for a stronger all-round team.
Early in the game, Will cracked a few jokes designed to bring the goalkeeper’s guard down and then
We devised a code – “Crazy Frog” – which Will would shout as a ball came in to assure Mark he had it and it worked great for the year as the goals against were rare. Things reverted to normal at U21, with each club having enough numbers to field separately. Naturally, they we were drawn against each other at that grade, and I had another plan.
We sent Walsh in at full-forward with the plan to kill Fleming with kindness. Early in the game, Will cracked a few jokes designed to bring the goalkeeper’s guard down and then, when we launched in a high ball, he shouted “Crazy Frog!” and was able to slot home as the goalkeeper was rooted to the spot. That’s the thing about coalitions – ultimately, you’re still focused on getting the best for yourself.
SHARING OPTIONS: