Last month, I ended our piece by saying how holding on to things can really tire us out, yet letting go is sometimes really difficult to do, especially if we have no idea as to how to even try.

It is likely we hold on to things because we think if we let them go we’ll lose something or be left with nothing, but that is not necessarily true. Say, for example, we’re holding on to the way we have always done things because if we dare try do something new and it fails, then we take that failure personally.

We feel like we have failed as a person, we have exposed a weakness and we’re out on a limb, exposed and uncomfortable about it. Whereas if we hold on and change nothing, we’re safe and comfortable. But what if we challenge the way in which we think, in a similar way to the way we’ve challenged how we breathe? What if we thought of letting go as another way of accepting things as they are?

When we let go of our feelings towards something and just accept that it is the way it is, we free ourselves from the inner turmoil of our feelings towards what is. However, that is not to say we have to like what is, but to say that it is pointless to argue against the reality of the situation.

For example, if there are no teabags left in the house, there are no teabags. Giving out to yourself or somebody else about forgetting them is not helping anyone, is not producing any teabags and it certainly is not making you feel good. What if you just saw there were no teabags and accepted that. If you did not allow your mind to drag you into the past to the time the milk was forgotten, or the biscuits or the bread! And if you did not allow your mind to drag you in to the future and think: ‘That’s it now, we’ll never remember tea ever again and you can never trust anyone ever to do anything right!’

How do you think that would make you feel? All that is actually happening is that at this moment you cannot have a cup of tea. That’s it. If you can train your mind to let go of all the other thoughts and respond to what’s happening ‘now’ with only the amount of energy that action requires, you will feel a lot less stressed about the situation.

Physical exercise

Now we’re in month three, so hopefully we’re finding the benefit of trying to keep our shoulders back and giving us space to breathe.

Then we can do our circular inhale and exhale with our hands moving from our tummy to above our head as we inhale and all the way back down by our side to our tummy as we exhale.

The next step is to bring our shoulders up towards our ears (you can really squeeze them up here) as we inhale and as we exhale with an audible sigh (do it when you’re alone if you’re a bit self conscious at first) let your shoulders drop back down away from your ears. We may not realise how much tension we hold in our neck and this is a great way to help tension begin to dissipate. Complete this motion three to five times and, once again, do it as many times during the day as you feel you need to.

Mindfulness Exercise

My exercise for this month is to notice how you think. Next time you’re out and about in your fields, sheds or even indoors, just be still for a couple of moments and pay attention to what is going on in your mind. Is there a movie playing out in your head that has nothing to do with what is actually happening with you in this present moment? For this exercise, try bringing your attention, with acceptance (take these things at face value), only to what you hear, see, smell, taste or touch now and when your mind does begin to wander in long-established patterns (in to the past, in to the future) just gently bring your attention back to what your senses are bringing you now.

In this way, you are training your mindfulness ‘muscle’ to pay attention to what is actually happening now and in doing so with acceptance, this practice will help you, over time, to learn how to let things go.

To Ponder

Apparently in India they have a clever way to catch monkeys. Hunters cut a hole in a coconut that is just big enough for a monkey to put its hand through. Then they drill two smaller holes in the other side of the coconut, pass a wire through it and tie it securely to a tree. Then, they put a banana inside the coconut and they lie in wait. The monkey arrives, puts its hand into the coconut and grabs the banana. But the hole is only large enough to get an open hand in to, not to allow a fist holding on to the banana to exit. All the monkey has to do is let go of the banana and he is free to go find an alternative, but it seems most monkeys don’t let go.*

*Source Zinn Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat.

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