Dear Miriam,

My son, who is farming at home with us, got engaged to his girlfriend earlier this year. She is a primary school teacher and a nice girl, but a bit “alternative” you could say. Still, I assumed that when it came to getting married, they would do the right thing and arrange a church wedding. I have since discovered, however, that they are going to have a “humanist” wedding next summer outdoors at some place down the country. Sorry Miriam, but in my eyes, you get married in a church before the eyes of God.

I’ve spoken to my son about it and he said that he didn’t really mind if they got married in a church or not, but it’s what his girlfriend wants and he is perfectly happy to go along with that

Call me old-fashioned, but that’s what I believe. Otherwise, it’s just a party.

I’ve spoken to my son about it and he said that he didn’t really mind if they got married in a church or not, but it’s what his girlfriend wants and he is perfectly happy to go along with that. But why should she get her way or all the say? We were hoping to invite a few family friends to the day, but I’m not sure I can even do that if it’s going to be a hippy thing.

I’m sure she knows that I’m not happy about it, though I have not said what I really feel as I’m still trying to gather my thoughts on it. What do you think?

Mother Of The Groom

Dear Mother Of The Groom,

I’m going to have to say that it’s their big day, so let them do it their way. And what is the “right thing” in this case is what is right for them as a couple and how they choose to celebrate their love and commitment to each other.

I do understand how you feel regarding the church wedding and I also acknowledge your personal disappointment that your son and his wife-to-be are taking a different route to the altar. However, having attended humanist wedding ceremonies in the past, I can assure you that they have all been beautiful, personal occasions; not “hippie things”.

You wonder why the bride-to-be should get things “her way”? If your son really did want a church wedding, I would advise that they need to talk and come up with a compromise

The ceremony is also legally binding once the couple choose a celebrant accredited by the Humanist Association of Ireland, who has completed a training programme approved by the Registrar General and the HSE.

If you would like to learn a little bit more about what is involved in a humanist wedding ceremony, I’d encourage you to visit https://www.humanism.ie/ceremonies-2/weddings/. They also have a “Frequently Asked Questions” section that might be useful to you.

You wonder why the bride-to-be should get things “her way”? If your son really did want a church wedding, I would advise that they need to talk and come up with a compromise ie maybe a humanist wedding and a church blessing at a later date or something like that?

I would not worry about what friends think either. I’m sure most people just want a nice day out with plenty to eat and a bit of a dance afterwards

But he does not seem too pushed on the matter from what you write in your letter, so it does not seem to me that it’s something that needs further probing.

I would not worry about what friends think either. I’m sure most people just want a nice day out with plenty to eat and a bit of a dance afterwards. These days, humanist and other alternative ceremonies are very popular and I’m sure a lot of people will have attended other weddings like this. If not, they will more than likely be in for a nice surprise.

This is a happy time for all the family and I would not like to spoil or sour it by getting too caught up in the format

I think the thing that really matters here is that two young people are still committing to love and honour each other, in sickness and in health and for better or for worse, hopefully for the rest of their lives. Whether they do that in a church or a garden, I’m sure the intention is still the same.

This is a happy time for all the family and I would not like to spoil or sour it by getting too caught up in the format. My advice is to just go with the flow and let them do their thing. Wishing the young couple all the very best in the journey ahead.

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