Farmers like to talk farming, we all know that.

For those among you who aren’t that way inclined, it can be bewildering. There is so much jargon there are so many acronyms, it can feel like a secret language.

Here are some handy phrases that will display a little knowledge around the table or at the bar. Impress your father-in-law or partner’s brother with your understanding of matters agricultural.

Farmers are paying for Europe’s row with Russia through high fertiliser prices.

If Ciarán Cuffe had said that about teachers he'd have to resign.

Calendar farming is a joke, sure the seasons are all the same nowadays.

Eco-schemes just have you jumping through hoops to get your own money back.

If I won the Lotto, I’d buy a farm and get away from the rat race.

The retailers can do what they like, you’d think they were running the country.

My mother says that barley hasn’t changed in price since she left the farm in Kildare, and that was 35 years ago.

I’d like to see Eamon Ryan or Leo Varadkar bring sheep down off a hill, they haven’t a clue.

CRISS is really just another form of convergence, isn’t it?

There are too many farm organisations, wouldn’t it be better if they all joined together?

I always buy Irish, but labels are so confusing, they don’t make it easy.

If there were as many inspections on bankers as there are on farmers, we would never have needed the bail out.

A tip

It might be worthwhile to say one of these lines and the disappear for a couple of minutes, so you aren’t expected to extrapolate further.

Make your point and wander off to make a coffee, head for the bar or invent a toilet break. If all else fails, invent a phone call and lie low until the conversation has moved on.