Last year, just before Christmas, the poor old bull at home went lame. On Christmas Day, myself and the brother manfully set about getting him up the crush, as much to get out of the house as anything else.

Care is needed when trying to catch a bull’s head in a headgate, especially the automatic locking ones – the bull’s head is often too big and the bars can clamp very tightly on his neck. If they clamp too tightly, they can injure his neck, causing paralysis.

We didn’t have this problem though, because our headgate was completely useless and we had to rely on the bull’s good nature to stay put while we picked up his leg. Luckily, he was a biddable old creature and in no time at all I had his leg lifted and was just about to finish paring his foot when disaster struck.

He struggled against the rope and went down with his two back legs stretched behind him. He fit in the crush like a chocolate in a box that the filling had leaked out of, only a bit messier and a lot more stuck.

The effort to rescue the bull involved the entire family, with my mother taking time out from cooking the dinner to issue a flurry of instructions and advice, apparently drawn from a lifetime of pulling bulls out of crushes.

Incentives

All sorts of encouragement and incentives were offered to Mr Bull. If he could have seen his way to getting up and walking out, we would all have had a very happy Christmas, but to no avail.

Next, the combined engineering talents of an ever-widening circle of family and neighbours came up with a series of more powerful and complicated solutions until finally the bull was slowly ejected from the crush.

When the heat of battle had subsided, my poor mother remembered her main duty for the day – Christmas dinner.

Alas for her ham, a delicacy the entire family looked forward to all year, it was too late. As we rushed back to the house, we were met by the unmistakable smell of some very smoky bacon.

In these articles, we are supposed to offer some valuable advice, based on our experiences on farms. Mine is this – don’t try this at home; bulls are dangerous and unpredictable animals at this time of the year, but they are still a safer bet than an Irish mammy with a burned ham!

Kevin Meaney holds a certificate in dairy herd health and works with Southview Veterinary Hospital in Clonmel, part of the XL Vets group of progressive practices who work together towards a better future for agriculture and veterinary in Ireland.