Concerned Reader:

Dear Miriam,

Myself and my husband met when we were both 16. We both were born and reared on farms, and farming life has always been part and parcel of what we do. Last year we got married.

Prior to this, as most couples do, we asked the question about where we were going to live and what we would do. I knew I would have a site up home, but that was never going to be a realistic option for my husband.

He works the farm owned by his elderly grandfather and works part-time off the farm. He had been told since he was a child that the farm and the old house will be his.

He wanted to extend and renovate the house, which sits plonk in the middle of the farm. It would not be possible to move into the house, as the grandfather occupies it with his full-time, live-in carer.

We looked at our options.

We were not eligible for a mortgage, as we did not own the house, and it could not be signed over, as the grandfather was deemed not to be in a good state of mind. Even though the planning was processed in his name and the herd number and farm operates in his name.

We looked at farm finance; not an option due to the nature of the work. Our only option was personal finance. We went with this option and are now almost ready to move into the house.

At the moment, the situation stands that, after the grandfather’s day, the house and farm will be given to his son (my father-in-law). He then intends to give it to his son: my husband.

My concern is what if this line of transfer doesn’t work. What if something happened to my father-in-law or husband? Where would I stand or what would happen?

I would be relying on the goodwill of the family to look after me – or at least look favourably upon me so I could keep the house.

Many other people we have spoken to find themselves in a similar situation. Ironically, many of our friends think it’s great that we have been in theory “given” a house.

But in actual fact we haven’t been given anything, and if something happens I’m left in a bad situation – even though I work full-time and have heavily contributed to the extending and renovating.

Concerned Reader

Miriam:

Dear Concerned Reader,

Thank you very much for your letter. Due to the nature of your query, I got in touch with Clare O’Keeffe of Succession Ireland, who specialises in family farm succession planning, among other forms of mediation. You can find out more about Succession Ireland on www.successionireland.ie or call 022 27915.

Clare says:

“There is an ad on the television for road safety at the moment with the theme and slogan ‘Do not spend a lifetime looking back.’ Your situation brings this to mind.

“You mention that others find themselves in this situation. This indeed may be true, and many leave the problem unaired, in the hope that everything will sort itself out.

“Sometimes this works; other times it does not. Fear can keep people stuck: fear of saying the wrong thing, so they feel it’s safer to say nothing.

“It would seem that you really need to take this moment to begin a conversation that will secure your future. This would involve getting clarification on legal rights, which would be greatly helped by engaging a solicitor. It would also be necessary to open up channels of communication with relevant members of your family, particularly your parents-in-law.

It is a highly emotive conversation and needs to be handled with care. A neutral venue, rather than the family home, would reduce distractions and emotional triggers. A facilitator or mediator can provide a safe environment in which to have this conversation.

“If you do not open up communication with those around you now, you may spend a lifetime looking back.”

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