Ah, the simple pleasures in life. Like sitting in the barber’s chair and getting a haircut. Maybe it was because I was rushing here, there and yonder last week that here I was, virtually captured for 15 minutes with no way out – whatever you are into. I always look forward to the relaxation of getting the ears lowered a half a dozen times or so a year.

Last week, summer had arrived, so I took a deep breath and went for a bold three blade, back and sides. Usually a tight scissors cut is as brave as I get. This time I thought, what the hell! If I could have nodded off after a hectic day then I would have, as the barber set to work on my woolly locks.

That is what happened to me in downtown Beijing in 2008. The Olympic Games had finished and for the first time in a month I had some down time from my duties reporting for RTÉ. We had heard about this amazing barber close to our hotel where you got a two-hour haircut that included an induced snooze, all for about €3.

We had to investigate. Along with a colleague, not exactly endowed with spare tresses that needed trimming, we arrived to be greeted by a platoon of smiling staff, by this stage demonstrably used to this procession of foreign sports reporters looking for a haircut, whether they needed one or not. Talk about doing the business by word of mouth.

After a royal welcome, eventually I was brought to an elaborate sink where my hair was washed, washed and washed again. Either it was badly in need of such washing or else this was a novelty, washing fair hair, but my host wasn’t going to present me to the next stage without a glistening mane.

Moving along the assembly line, it was dried thoroughly by another diligent employee before I was moved for the third time for the actual cut. Each procedure carried out by a different person. It’s the Chinese way – a hundred people doing the job of about five in Ireland. Earlier on that trip, I bought a set of headphones in a shop and I don’t tell a word of a lie when I say that I dealt with a total of eight different staff in the process of buying the headphones.

Anyway, back at the barbers – the main man, with not a syllable of English, set about clipping me, one hair at a time. It took about half an hour and having not once told anyone what sort of a cut I wanted, due to lack of Mandarin on my behalf and English on his, there was a great sense of anticipation as to the outcome.

Eventually, as if I had done a circular tour of the shop, I was back close to the starting point for a head massage, which sent me to sleep. It was part of the deal.

When I woke up, I thought I had been dreaming – until I looked in the mirror to see an image that would have been right at home in an army barracks.

But it was the best haircut of all time – for €3! Now you know why you seldom see a Chinese man with long hair. CL

Football predictions

The 2016 GAA Championship is upon us. My football predictions: Leinster: Dublin. Connacht: Galway. Ulster: Donegal. Munster: Kerry. All-Ireland Champions: Dublin. Hurling: Leinster: Kilkenny. Munster: Clare. All-Ireland Champions: Clare. I’ll come back to this in September just to see how totally wrong I will be proved.