Dear Miriam,

Answer me this please; what is the “going rate” for a wedding present nowadays? It’s a few years since we have had any weddings, but we have two coming up this year. It’s not exactly something that people talk openly about. Any advice would be appreciated so that we don’t look “mean” or go way overboard either.

Leinster Reader

Dear Leinster Reader,

I’m not sure I’m an authority on this matter, but if we’re talking cold, hard cash, a quick straw poll I have conducted concludes that about €200 per couple seems to be the “going rate”.

That said, not everybody might be able to afford that, so I think it’s important to point out that there are other ways that people can contribute to a wedding in a really meaningful way eg lending their talents with music at the church or flower arranging or baking a cake or helping to prepare food if there is a “day after” party. Or a thoughtfully chosen gift can mean just as much, if not more, to a couple.

But if you are looking for a fast figure, I’d say €200 is about the average now. Hope that helps and enjoy the weddings!

A reader writes

Hi Miriam,

I read your column every week and identify with some of the subjects from time to time, and think your advice is always spot on. I was reading your column this week and felt I had to write in about the 10-year-old worries.

I have five children from leaving cert stage through to college and working. The middle lad was very wild when he was younger and a real handful when the younger children came along – he was only two at the time!

When he was 10-12 years of age he began to get worried about the smallest of details

He would run away from home, and we sometimes found him at our neighbour’s house. Anyway, he grew up to be a great young lad and is now the real help on the farm.

When he was 10-12 years of age he began to get worried about the smallest of details. He would worry that he said something about someone on the school bus or at school, and they were looking at him strangely. He was afraid to see them the next day for fear they had complained to their parents or teacher about him.

He was afraid that he may have said bad things and the teacher heard him. Once when we went on holidays, he was afraid of sleeping in the room for fear someone came in the window at night. He would get up during the night and come in to tell me his worries.

I just called it “The Worries”. I would reassure him again and again over the same subject and the same worries all the time. Sometimes I smiled to myself when he told me them.

He is now a confident, outgoing 19-year-old college student full of the usual joys of life

I didn’t seek any professional help or go to the doctor. I just kept listening and reassuring, but never dismissing or laughing. His dad did the same and just had patience with his little problems. I don’t recall any trigger to starting them off.

Eventually he got over them. I think they may have lasted about two years in all. He is now a confident, outgoing 19-year-old college student full of the usual joys of life. Another one of his cousins had “The Worries” around the same age and has come through the other side.

I think it’s not unusual. You can pass this information onto the worried mom if you like.

Thanks,

Geraldine.

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