“Oh it’s lovely. What is it? Is it some sort of a candle?”

I can see them all exchange glances. I recognise that look. “Mammy is thick again” is what they mean. As if because I don’t know about the things they find important, that makes me a dummy. Well I know plenty that them Elon Musks of mine don’t. I can tell you. But lookit, it’s a gift. Designed to improve me no doubt. From my son Rory.

“Alexa Mam. Well don’t you know the way Mammy you were saying one time that you’d love to just say a thing and it be remembered if you don’t have a pen. This is the thing. An AI.”

“AI? Oh the Lord save us? Where do they want me to put that.”

“Ah Mammy you know that. It’s Artificial Intelligence. Not Artificial Insemination.”

“I know. I’m codding. Thanks ever so much. Let ye install it there so. You know what I’m like.”

They do. When technology arrives in this house it will stay in the box until someone puts it in my hand fully loaded up and ready to go and then there’s no stopping me.

“Now Mammy see. You can set reminders. Ask it to remind you about the spuds in a half an hour.”

I’m a bit shy. I nearly whisper it. “Tell me when to check the spuds”. No word out of Alexa. “No Mammy you have to say her name, Alexa”

The trouble starts when Rory starts being too smart for his own good altogether

“Alexa set a reminder to check the spuds in half an hour.” “She” gives a little glow. “Setting Reminder To Check The Spuds In Half An Hour.”

“She’s very well spoken.” Rory gives me what I believe is called “side-eye”.

But me and Alexa get on famously over the Christmas. She’s very handy for reminders and playing some of my music off Spotify, which they’ve set up for me.

“Play Rod Stewart Maggie May,” I say. And sure enough, Rod starts off.

Trouble

The trouble starts when Rory starts being too smart for his own good altogether. Father Donnegan is in visiting Mam with the communion. She’s a bit shook at the moment so she’s staying with us.

No sooner is Father Donnegan in the door when Alexa pipes up.

“This is a reminder for Ann Devine’s HRT.”

“ALEXA STOP!!!”

Beep beep she’s off again.

“This is a reminder for Ann to have a swift nip of whiskey to take the edge off.”

“RORY! I swear to God I’ll kill you. Sorry Father.”

Father Donnegan doesn’t seem too put out. He’s trained to ignore all sorts I suppose and AIs acting up must be no big deal. But I get my revenge soon enough.

Rory’s Boy visits us just after Christmas. I know! A boyfriend! Well, we always had a notion but he wouldn’t say a bit. There was the time his Auntie Geraldine saw him up at the Pride, but then shur don’t all the young people go to everything now? I’d a been ready long ago. Paudie Proctor has a daughter and a daughter-in-law. “They have me tormented Ann,” he says. “I have to have the place fierce tidy.”

But Rory took his time. He says to me after that it’s all gone a bit more “hostile” than the old days. But by old days he means 2015. “Not your old days Mam, they’re the old old days.”

But anyway, young Oscar is down from Dublin to meet us all. A lovely boy. And he brought very nice biscuits. But no sooner is HE in the door then Alexa has a few things to say.

“This is a reminder for Rory to show Oscar all the photos of him as a child, especially the one where he got sick all over his First Communion outfit because he had too much Taytos.”

“OH MY GOD. CRINGE MAM.”

“It’s actually based Rory. Drag him Mrs D,” says Oscar. I’ve no idea what that means but I think it’s good.

“You learn fast anyway Mam, I’ll give you that.”

“I have to pet, the world is changing.”