Julie and I spent a whole day together but for a two-hour period during which Diarmuid joined us. We were alone – chatting, reading and silently sharing the mundane and the beautiful things in our busy lives. The relationship between mother and daughter is special. Julie got married to David on the 1 January 2016. Way back in September, Julie and David asked us to join them for a week in Tenerife just after Christmas. A bit of sun around that time of year is lovely. We accepted and decided to book for Diarmuid also.

PRECIOUS TIME

Julie and I took immense pleasure out of our hours together. We had a swim in the pool and laughed at Diarmuid while he took 40 minutes to ease himself into the cold water. When he came out, we saw him go to the poolside shower. As we chatted, I saw that eyes were on Diarmuid. Sure enough, he had a fine lather of suds all over him and gathering around his feet.

Nearby, a man returned to his family telling them that the bloke with Down’s syndrome had told him that he was going to be on TV. He scoffed at the idea.

There was a time when I would have intervened but experience has taught me that Diarmuid will sort it himself. Sure enough he returned, now devoid of suds! He spotted the man. He proceeded to tell me he met him in the pool and: “I told him I was going to be on TV in Ireland!” The man squirmed, realising he had been beside Diarmuid’s mother all the time.

Diarmuid went off to the apartment while Julie and I went for a long walk. In Tenerife, Julie uses a scooter to get around. Los Cristianos is fully accessible to people with disabilities.

A LADY OF STYLE

Our value in our time together, our love for each other and our deep friendship was intensified by the news that morning that our neighbour Peggy O’Connell had died. It is poignant to learn of a death while abroad and I was glad that I would be home for Peggy’s funeral. Julie was saddened that she could not be there as she and David were staying a few days longer. While we had the luxury of being together, we knew our friends were grieving for their mother. We wanted to be with Peggy’s husband Willie and their sons and daughters, Kathryn, Philip, Brendan, Liam, Annette, Louise and Conor.

The O’Connell’s dairy farm bounds ours and there is a history of friendship and banter running deep over many years. Julie and I spent a long time talking about Peggy and realising that she had quite an influence on both our lives. When I came to Woodside in 1982, Peggy was my very first visitor. She arrived to welcome me with two beautiful little girls, Annette and Louise. I was immediately besotted with the O’Connell family. Netty and Louise would later become wonderful babysitters and role models for Julie.

THE LATTER YEARS

When illness strikes a partner, it is tough for all concerned – sometimes robbing people of their memories and independence. For over 10 years, Willie cared for Peg with unconditional love. Alterations were made to the house to facilitate Peg, and her life was kept as full and interesting as possible.

Several years ago on a Christmas eve, I met Willie in the local shop. I told him how sorry I was about Peggy’s illness and commented on how good he was to Peggy. Philosophically he told me that in the early, busy days when all the children were small, he didn’t have time to help Peg.

“She did it all,” he said “and now it’s my turn.” I had to leave quickly before Willie would see my tears. Willie’s love for his wife and magnanimous nature towards her has always defined him.

Peggy and Willie gave us a beautiful set of bone china with a matching tea pot when we were married. It was indicative of Peggy’s style. Things had to be done right! There was a right and wrong way but it was more than that with Peggy – there was a proper way. A cup of tea was served in a china cup. It was a mark of respect. She would relish it, sitting correctly, knees together and slightly to the side.

MOTHER

In all the years I knew Peggy, she never said a bad word about her children. She would tell me stories of their escapades but never disparagingly. She dragged mountains of groceries from the shops. Sometimes the items never got to the presses. She baked incessantly and her attempts to hide tarts for later were frequently foiled by her hungry teenage sons.

I realise that in her way, she often counselled me in how to cope with the demands of a young, growing family and farming life. I learned a lot from her.

As for Willie, she wore her love for him on her sleeve. He was truly her knight in shining armour. Peggy was of the old school which young farming wives might not understand. The farm and its needs and development came first because she knew that its success would guarantee the education and development of her seven children. In return, the family made sure that mom’s needs were cared for right to the moment she closed her eyes peacefully at home in Dromasmole for the last time. Willie had fulfilled the promise he made on his wedding day 52 years ago: “To have and to hold his wife Peg in sickness and in health until death do we part.”