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Greetings Miriam,
About the letter published recently, I would love to respond.
It had the heading: “Wouldn’t it be great to be loved?” Well, I will put it another way: I wish I had someone to love me.
Did you ever hear the words of Barney McKenna’s song I wish I had someone to love me? Love can take many forms and I hope one day to find a nice, pleasant Co Cork single lady. Is there anyone like Willie Daly down around west Cork, Miriam? I am living alone now and all I want is for someone to help when I am not well or just ring up and say: “How are you getting on? Are you feeling any better? It might be a good idea for you to go to the doctor.” Things like that, Miriam. Just to know that someone does care after all.
I was at a dancing festival in Killarney recently and I could not find one single lady in her 50s. Romance and friendship Miriam – who would want to live without it?
Donal
Dear Donal,
Loneliness is a factor for so many people in rural Ireland and I’m sure you speak for a lot of readers.
It’s only human to want to feel loved and cared for; though I hasten to add that friendship and romance are not one way streets and that while you might want somebody to look out for and take care of you, you must want to do the same for them, with an open and willing heart.
I think the best way to meet people is through shared interests. You mention dancing; is there a local club or class you could join? People are always looking for dance partners and this could be a great way to meet new people, even if just for friendship and company in the beginning. Your local community centre or library might have details of such groups, or you could contact Comhaltas (office number 01-2800-295) for branches in your area. Alternatively, consider volunteering with a local charity or group, as that is another way to meet people you might not normally cross paths with.
You ask if there is a matchmaker in west Cork. I’m afraid I don’t know, though I did contact a dating agency called Two Hearts Meet (021-60-100-69 or www.twoheartsmeet.ie) which has clients in Cork, Munster and further afield. There is a fee to cover registration and three introductions, but you can contact them directly to see if it is for you.
I wish you the best of luck in finding somebody special – be it a friend, companion or more. Just remember that as with all rewarding relationships in our lives, it works both ways.
Reader Writes: Re: I am a man so out of touch with my wife
Dear Miriam,
Thank you for your advice. I have done everything you told me, but my wife still wants no affection, no kissing, no touching and no sex. I am sorry for Ann (4 June) that she was treated so badly that she no longer wants sex.
I do treat my wife very well, I do tell her I love her and that I would love to get things back on track again. She does agree with me, but when I try anything she just pushes me away. I try to carry on as best I can, but I feel very sad. I never forget her birthday, Christmas or our wedding anniversary. I do not treat my wife like my mother, as I do not remember my mother – she died when I was very young.
Cork Reader
Dear Cork Reader,
Thank you for getting in touch. I think Ann was reflecting on her experience, but everybody’s situation is different and it’s clear from your letter that you care for your wife. I think the best thing at this stage is to explore counselling again to discuss the facts of your own story in confidence and get support.
You can find a local counsellor through the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy on www.iacp.ie/ 01-230-3536. Relationships Ireland is also excellent: they are in Dublin, but it might be worth the trip. Call 01-678-5256.
I know this is difficult, but please keep the lines of communication open with your wife, look after yourself and don’t be afraid to seek support.
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