Dear Miriam,

I wonder if you could help me with a dilemma. I am a young woman in my early 20s and am very involved in my local GAA club. There is a Strictly Come Dancing fundraiser coming up and I have been asked to take part. I am a big fan of the BBC show and the recent Irish version, so I jumped at the opportunity.

However, when I told my boyfriend of a year about it, he was very put out and said that I really should have discussed it with him first, as it will take up a lot of my free time over the next few months and we won’t be able to see each other as much.

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He also later admitted that he would not be comfortable seeing me dancing with one of the footballers from the club so intimately, and that “even though he trusts me”, he knows that the local Strictly-style fundraisers have a reputation for causing break-ups and all sorts of trouble when people get too close to their partners.

At first, I thought he was joking, but then I realised that he was completely serious. We have not had a big row over it or anything, but he has been fairly cool with me since I first mentioned it. I would never, ever cheat on my boyfriend because I love him, but I now feel guilty for saying yes to the show rather than consulting him first. I’m also wondering if I should even go ahead with it now, even though I would love to dance and I’d feel bad backing out because I don’t want to let the club down. But then again, is it worth sacrificing a relationship for?

I would really appreciate your advice.

Dancer In Distress

Dear Dancer In Distress,

Thank you for your letter. I think after the recent Dancing With The Stars TV series, we have all gone ballroom-mad! And why not? What a fabulous opportunity you have been given to learn how to dance, have fun, meet new friends and help raise funds for your club in the process? What’s not to love about that?

I always try to look at a dilemma from both sides, but to be honest with you, I find your boyfriend’s reaction to be a bit over-the-top. OK, maybe it would have been nice to discuss it with him before saying yes as it will mean less time together for a few weeks, but ultimately, it is your decision and you should not be made to feel “guilty” because of it. Yes, people joke about the “Strictly Curse”, but if a relationship is solid, there should be nothing to fear.

To be honest, I would not be one bit worried about your decision to take part in the show; but I am a bit concerned by his reaction and what it says about his issues with trust and control. I wonder how this bodes for the future too. For example, will you find yourself turning down other opportunities – much bigger than a Strictly Come Dancing show – just because he may not approve? And if so, is that the sort of relationship you want to be in?

It seems to me that the only reason you are considering turning down this opportunity is because you don’t want to upset your boyfriend. I wonder, though, if he has even thought about what it means to you? It does not sound like it.

If you really want to do the show, I’d say go for it. You can reassure your boyfriend that you have no intention of allowing the “Strictly Curse” to strike and that you would appreciate his support. See how it goes from there. If it was just a case of bruised ego, he should realise that he is overreacting and roll in behind you. If he continues to sulk, however, I would not be questioning your decision to do Strictly, but whether or not it is worth continuing in such a relationship.

I hope this has been of help. Best of luck with the show … and keep dancing! CL