Dear Miriam,

I went on a couple of dates with a girl last summer. It was all going well for a while, I thought, but then things kind of fizzled out. I was probably more put out than her to be fair, but at the end of the day it was only a date or two, so I got over it.

However, recently this encounter has come back to haunt me.

Firstly, I’m pretty mad that’s she’s going around talking about me

With both of us being from around the same area, I heard back through friends that she was going around telling people I gave her “the ick”.

Apparently she said the the way I ate when we went for dinner gave her “the ick”, that I was lovely fella apart from that, but it really put her off and that’s why it didn’t go anywhere.

I have a couple of problems with this, Miriam.

I’m a bit disillusioned with dating because of it

Firstly, I’m pretty mad that’s she’s going around talking about me. I was perfectly nice to her and I think I deserve a little bit more respect. The whole place will be thinking I’m some make of an eejit.

Secondly, I’m a bit disillusioned with dating because of it. If something as small as the way I eat is a deal breaker, what hope have I got? Maybe I could be a little bit more polite at the table, but I’m not exactly eating with my hands or anything. My manners aren’t terrible.

I don’t know where to go from here. Should I confront her about it or leave it off? And also, more importantly, how do I avoid giving women “the ick” in future?

I’d appreciate your advice, Miriam.

Icked Off

Dear Icked Off,

I have to say, initially it took me some time to come to terms with what “the ick” is. I mustn’t be as in touch with young people’s lingo as I thought. Anyway, never fear, I consulted with a younger friend in the know.

It is perfectly acceptable not to like someone

From what I gather, “the ick” is a largely unexplainable dislike of someone, rooted in a minor aspect of their behaviour.

It was explained to me that otherwise you would fancy this person if it wasn’t for the action or behaviour that gave you “the ick”. It could be something as small as what they are wearing or a mannerism, for example.

I have some thoughts on this for you. I have to say, I find “the ick” an unfortunate term for simply not being attracted to or fancying someone.

It is perfectly acceptable not to like someone, but I do feel “the ick” is a rather cruel way of expressing this.

You see, if you think about anyone you have ever really liked, been totally into, nothing minor about their behaviour would turn you off, would it?

In fact, a lot of the time people are willing to let big issues slide when they really like someone.

You are not obliged to like anyone in that way, but you should treat people with respect and kindness

So, what I am inferring is, you only get “the ick” (for want of a better word) with someone you don’t actually care for or like romantically. Therefore it is not actually this “ick” behaviour that is deterring you, but you simply don’t like that person romantically, and that’s OK. You are not obliged to like anyone in that way, but you should treat people with respect and kindness.

In relation to your first question, should you confront this woman, I wouldn’t give the issue airtime to be honest.

She should not have been speaking about you, so maybe you are better off things have been left in the past.

In my book it is a frivolous phenomenon and you should just concentrate on being yourself

To answer your second question, you needn’t worry about giving more women “the ick”. In my book it is a frivolous phenomenon and you should just concentrate on being yourself. Someone will like you for who you are. Good table manners are a help, but being a nice person is more important.

Wishing you all the best,

Miriam

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