In the issue of 27 May, we featured a letter entitled “Struggling to cope with a family falling out” in relation to a family farm. As part of the letter, the writer appealed for advice from readers who had a similar experience for their advice on how to handle such a situation.
Here are two of the responses that we have received to date. I hope that they are helpful to the original letter writer and would like to thank those who made the time and effort to get in touch.
She needs to begin to enjoy her life again
Hi Miriam,
It is not always an enviable position for the one who takes over a family farm. While most family members would baulk at the idea of putting in those long hours and have no interest in working it, there can be a bit of jealousy regarding the value of assets in land, machinery and animals, despite the simple life it often dictates. It can be an awkward position for the “farmer’s wife” coming into this family and taking over their land.
This lady needs to hold her head high and if her in-laws wish to have nothing to do with her and her husband and children and she has tried to reconcile the situation with no success, then she needs to move on from these family members. They may have a change of heart when they are no longer able to upset her and her family, but does she and her family need people like this in her life?
She needs to concentrate on her friends and other family members and begin to enjoy her life again. She also needs to avoid making comments about these family members when rebuilding her life. I wish her luck.
A farmer’s wife
It all boils down to jealousy
Dear Miriam,
My husband inherited a farm from his uncle. Some of the local family members were not pleased. They are busy watching every move, making comments on what is going on on the farm. My husband passes no remarks. He smiles and waves at them all. He says: “I’m falling out with none of them; if they want to fall out with me, well and good.”
Really and truly, they are annoying themselves more than anything else. They are scolding and giving out in the local about him, but really they are making themselves look bad. My husband is coming out smelling of roses. Some of the neighbours have passed the comment that they are beginning to sound like a broken record.
Don’t lower yourself to their standards as really it all boils down to jealousy.
Reader writes
We also received the following response in relation to another recent letter; in this case, from a reader who felt that she was put in an awkward situation after her in-laws gave herself and her husband a present of a painting for their new home that was not quite to her taste.
Dear Miriam,
I was so mad when I saw your letter on 13th May (“I hate the painting my in-laws bought for us”). Regarding the painting bought and given in good faith to the newlyweds, how could she want to hide it away? Forty years ago, when we moved into our new home, our parents gave us gifts. We still have them in our dining room and sitting room. My good wife loves them still after all the years and appreciates them so much. She still gets on with my mom and dad and loves to have them visit.
Love your paper.
Regards, Mark
Read more
Struggling to cope with a family falling-out
‘I hate the painting my in-laws bought us’
In the issue of 27 May, we featured a letter entitled “Struggling to cope with a family falling out” in relation to a family farm. As part of the letter, the writer appealed for advice from readers who had a similar experience for their advice on how to handle such a situation.
Here are two of the responses that we have received to date. I hope that they are helpful to the original letter writer and would like to thank those who made the time and effort to get in touch.
She needs to begin to enjoy her life again
Hi Miriam,
It is not always an enviable position for the one who takes over a family farm. While most family members would baulk at the idea of putting in those long hours and have no interest in working it, there can be a bit of jealousy regarding the value of assets in land, machinery and animals, despite the simple life it often dictates. It can be an awkward position for the “farmer’s wife” coming into this family and taking over their land.
This lady needs to hold her head high and if her in-laws wish to have nothing to do with her and her husband and children and she has tried to reconcile the situation with no success, then she needs to move on from these family members. They may have a change of heart when they are no longer able to upset her and her family, but does she and her family need people like this in her life?
She needs to concentrate on her friends and other family members and begin to enjoy her life again. She also needs to avoid making comments about these family members when rebuilding her life. I wish her luck.
A farmer’s wife
It all boils down to jealousy
Dear Miriam,
My husband inherited a farm from his uncle. Some of the local family members were not pleased. They are busy watching every move, making comments on what is going on on the farm. My husband passes no remarks. He smiles and waves at them all. He says: “I’m falling out with none of them; if they want to fall out with me, well and good.”
Really and truly, they are annoying themselves more than anything else. They are scolding and giving out in the local about him, but really they are making themselves look bad. My husband is coming out smelling of roses. Some of the neighbours have passed the comment that they are beginning to sound like a broken record.
Don’t lower yourself to their standards as really it all boils down to jealousy.
Reader writes
We also received the following response in relation to another recent letter; in this case, from a reader who felt that she was put in an awkward situation after her in-laws gave herself and her husband a present of a painting for their new home that was not quite to her taste.
Dear Miriam,
I was so mad when I saw your letter on 13th May (“I hate the painting my in-laws bought for us”). Regarding the painting bought and given in good faith to the newlyweds, how could she want to hide it away? Forty years ago, when we moved into our new home, our parents gave us gifts. We still have them in our dining room and sitting room. My good wife loves them still after all the years and appreciates them so much. She still gets on with my mom and dad and loves to have them visit.
Love your paper.
Regards, Mark
Read more
Struggling to cope with a family falling-out
‘I hate the painting my in-laws bought us’
SHARING OPTIONS