In recent weeks, many of the letters to this column have been in relation to unhappy relationships, whether it was from the Cork reader who explained how she had lived “alone” in her head throughout her marriage, the young mother in her 30s who said her husband was acting like it was the 1950s, and the man who wrote that he felt he was “out of touch” with his wife.

As so often happens, readers have been in touch to share their own life experience and advice in relation to some of the issues raised. Here is just a selection of extracts from their letters. As always, I welcome all feedback; even when you don’t exactly agree with my take on a particular situation.

However, if you are struggling with an issue in your relationship and would like professional help, I would recommend a number of counselling services, such as ACCORD, which has 55 centres nationwide (visit www.accord.ie or call 01-505-3112), the Dublin-based Relationships Ireland (visit www.relationshipsireland.com or call 01-678-5256) or, indeed, contacting the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy for a practitioner in your area (visit www.iacp.ie or call 01-230-3536.) Thank you for your interest and I hope that other people find the following reader advice helpful also.

‘I live alone in my head’

Dear Miriam,

In response to “Wouldn’t it be great to be loved?” (published 16 April edition), I’m in the same situation as that farmer’s wife.

I get out and do courses, walk and enjoy life. I hate my home with my ignorant, smart-talking, verbally abusive (at times) street angel/house devil. I console myself at home by setting my mindset like this, which is true. I say to myself that he is like that because he isn’t half reared and wasn’t shown love. A person like that cannot show love to anyone. They hate themselves and everyone else. It’s all a front. My thinking like that keeps me sane. I live alone in my head in my house for the past 40 years and there I’ll remain. I can cope with that.

Carlow Reader

‘We women want to be loved’

Replying to the man “who feels out of touch with wife” (published 30 April edition).

I’m replying from the wife’s angle as I’ve been there. Never in his letter did he mention “love”. He says “we get on okay” – that’s enough for me. He also thinks a great farm, fine house, new car etc should be enough. I’m afraid not. We women want to be loved, helped with the kids and in the house, appreciated, spoken to nicely, and included in making decisions. Farmers in general treat their wives like their mothers – expect them to look after their every need – a one-way street instead of a wife. Also, us older wives do not want sex. It’s no longer important, especially when we are not treated well in other ways.

Anne

‘She needs to build something for herself’

Dear Miriam,

If I may, your advice to that young lady (“I’ve ended up in an unhappy marriage”, 21 May edition) falls way short of your talent. She is never going to achieve in her situation with the help you propose. I feel she should dig out her past qualification or target some course she always wanted to do and build something for herself. It will show she has her own ambition and is able to achieve. The family, as you describe, are never going to let her into the inside track. I’ve never contributed to a column before but her situation is classic. She has a husband, she has children, they all love her in different ways. Let her get out there and make more of herself.

Regards, Over 60 Gentleman

Dear Caroline

Dear Caroline, we received your letter on Tuesday morning and are currently working on getting the best guidance we can for you. Take care of yourself and we will respond as soon as possible.