My wife Susan and I thoroughly enjoyed reading the ‘Ten Commandments for a farmer’s wife’, which appeared on the Irish Farmers Journal website back in October 2014.

The humour had a certain resonance that will have been appreciated by farming families all over the country. And a couple of days later, my wife happened to mention that an equally appropriate set of rules could be drawn up by farming women, for the attention of their husbands.

When I suggested that no such imperative could possibly apply to as perfect a specimen as myself, she nearly choked.

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Rising to the challenge, she sent text messages to several other ‘‘desperate farmers’ wives’’, asking them to offer their thoughts on this delicate subject.

Despite my opinion that she would draw a blank, her phone began bleeping almost immediately, indicating that the response had been overwhelming. Here is a selection of those replies:

Thou shalt not remove boiler suit whilst wandering across newly cleaned kitchen floor.

Thou shalt not swear at wife, nor livestock, when she is only trying to help.

Thou shalt not instruct wife that electric fence is off when it is actually on, because then she shall swear at you.

Thou shalt leave the mud outside in the field, as nature intended.

Thou shalt not say, “Where’s my dinner”, as soon as thou walks through the door.

Thou shalt not call thy wife by the cow’s name.

Thou shalt not expect thy wife to tolerate leaking drums of colostrum in the fridge.

Thou shalt not get into bed after lambing, with cold feet, and expect wife to warm them.

Thou shalt issue clear instructions when asking wife to block a gap. “Be quiet”, followed immediately by “make a noise”, leads to confusion when said livestock stray in wrong direction. Wife must never be blamed for this situation.

Thou shalt feign intense interest in all aspects of discussion surrounding the new bathroom suite.

Thou shalt not spend more money on a Christmas present for the sheepdog than thy wife.

Thou shalt give more than five minutes’ notice that tea is required in the field.