I’m starting back to full-time work shortly. Is it too soon? My baby is just over one. I know many women go back to work much sooner than this but, for some reason, I just can’t shake the mammy guilt.
Childcare is always an issue, but especially when you live rurally. Private childcare is the ideal but when you live on a farm and someone comes to your home to mind the children, you worry. You worry that they aren’t aware of all the ways your toddler can escape the yard. You worry that they don’t know what to do in the case of a farm emergency (though, to be honest, I’m not sure that even I know what to do in the case of most farming emergencies).
You worry that they don’t know where the slurry pit is located, so they can’t adequately keep your children away from that area. And, you worry that they don’t know how quickly a tractor can come down the lane – or that your father-in-law (the tractor-driver) is a bit hard of hearing.
If you put your small children in a creche, you worry about leaving them in a strange place. Of them catching too many colds and flus and bringing them home. You worry that you don’t know their primary carers intimately enough. You worry that maybe your child will be, somehow, overlooked or under-cared for. I really doubt my husband has thought about any of this. I’m not trying to slag him off but I don’t think his brain works the same way that mine does (and it definitely isn’t as prone to anxious rumination).
In my case, this time, I’ve had to opt for the creche. As for many living in the countryside, my work will be located an hour away from the farm. I will commute and my two smallest children will go to a creche located halfway between the farm and my work. This brings about a whole new set of additional concerns, not to mention making my schedule slightly more complicated.
Why am I so worried about going back to work? I’ve left my children with minders before; they were fine. I know, deep down, they’ll be fine at school and the creche this time, too.
Motherhood not enough
I am not superwoman. I am never going to win “Mammy of the Year”. My kids watch YouTube videos when I need to prepare dinners and school lunches, my five-year-old lives solely on apples and ham sandwiches and my toddler has a permanently runny nose and dirty face. I have tried, usually in vain, to find the ideal balance between work and home. I am tired, often overwhelmed but, for the most part, happy. In the background, though, there’s always the sense of guilt.
Do I feel guilty for wanting a career? Maybe. I feel as though motherhood alone isn’t enough. Farm life and motherhood isn’t even enough.
I have training and valuable professional experience; I have so much to give my industry. Is it fair to give up the career you love when you become a mother?
Mammy guilt is one of the most prevalent afflictions to modern-day parenting. Fathers feel guilty too, but for different reasons. They miss out on their children’s milestones and events because of work, but ultimately feel it’s the sacrifice that needs to be made.
Mothers worry that their children will be psychologically damaged by not being present in the early years of their life. They are worried that they are irrevocably screwing up their children. Mammy guilt is less straight-forward, a lot more cerebral and infiltrates every aspect of motherhood.
How did you feed your baby? Did you co-sleep? Did you use cloth nappies? Did you practise baby-wearing? Is your child still in a rear-facing car seat? Did you try baby-led weaning?
Having been through this motherhood thing a few times now, I can tell you that it’s all a great big pile of horse manure. But knowing that and really believing it are two different things.
Mammies are always going to feel guilty. I know that my children are going to develop a lot of independence by having a working mammy. I know that they’ll possibly be missing out on some nurturing, as well. If I chose to stay home, I’d be worried about them being too reliant on me.
When it comes to “Mammy Guilt”, I think the most important thing is to ignore it. Do what makes you happy. Meet your children’s needs without sacrificing your own. At the end of the day, a mentally and emotionally healthy mother has emotionally and mentally healthy kids.
And by the way – for the record – baby-led-weaning is a load of rubbish. They’re all going to end up eating stale crisps off the floor of the car. Take it easy on yourself.
Read more
It's ok to ask for help when anxiety strikes
Looking on the bright side of farm life
I’m starting back to full-time work shortly. Is it too soon? My baby is just over one. I know many women go back to work much sooner than this but, for some reason, I just can’t shake the mammy guilt.
Childcare is always an issue, but especially when you live rurally. Private childcare is the ideal but when you live on a farm and someone comes to your home to mind the children, you worry. You worry that they aren’t aware of all the ways your toddler can escape the yard. You worry that they don’t know what to do in the case of a farm emergency (though, to be honest, I’m not sure that even I know what to do in the case of most farming emergencies).
You worry that they don’t know where the slurry pit is located, so they can’t adequately keep your children away from that area. And, you worry that they don’t know how quickly a tractor can come down the lane – or that your father-in-law (the tractor-driver) is a bit hard of hearing.
If you put your small children in a creche, you worry about leaving them in a strange place. Of them catching too many colds and flus and bringing them home. You worry that you don’t know their primary carers intimately enough. You worry that maybe your child will be, somehow, overlooked or under-cared for. I really doubt my husband has thought about any of this. I’m not trying to slag him off but I don’t think his brain works the same way that mine does (and it definitely isn’t as prone to anxious rumination).
In my case, this time, I’ve had to opt for the creche. As for many living in the countryside, my work will be located an hour away from the farm. I will commute and my two smallest children will go to a creche located halfway between the farm and my work. This brings about a whole new set of additional concerns, not to mention making my schedule slightly more complicated.
Why am I so worried about going back to work? I’ve left my children with minders before; they were fine. I know, deep down, they’ll be fine at school and the creche this time, too.
Motherhood not enough
I am not superwoman. I am never going to win “Mammy of the Year”. My kids watch YouTube videos when I need to prepare dinners and school lunches, my five-year-old lives solely on apples and ham sandwiches and my toddler has a permanently runny nose and dirty face. I have tried, usually in vain, to find the ideal balance between work and home. I am tired, often overwhelmed but, for the most part, happy. In the background, though, there’s always the sense of guilt.
Do I feel guilty for wanting a career? Maybe. I feel as though motherhood alone isn’t enough. Farm life and motherhood isn’t even enough.
I have training and valuable professional experience; I have so much to give my industry. Is it fair to give up the career you love when you become a mother?
Mammy guilt is one of the most prevalent afflictions to modern-day parenting. Fathers feel guilty too, but for different reasons. They miss out on their children’s milestones and events because of work, but ultimately feel it’s the sacrifice that needs to be made.
Mothers worry that their children will be psychologically damaged by not being present in the early years of their life. They are worried that they are irrevocably screwing up their children. Mammy guilt is less straight-forward, a lot more cerebral and infiltrates every aspect of motherhood.
How did you feed your baby? Did you co-sleep? Did you use cloth nappies? Did you practise baby-wearing? Is your child still in a rear-facing car seat? Did you try baby-led weaning?
Having been through this motherhood thing a few times now, I can tell you that it’s all a great big pile of horse manure. But knowing that and really believing it are two different things.
Mammies are always going to feel guilty. I know that my children are going to develop a lot of independence by having a working mammy. I know that they’ll possibly be missing out on some nurturing, as well. If I chose to stay home, I’d be worried about them being too reliant on me.
When it comes to “Mammy Guilt”, I think the most important thing is to ignore it. Do what makes you happy. Meet your children’s needs without sacrificing your own. At the end of the day, a mentally and emotionally healthy mother has emotionally and mentally healthy kids.
And by the way – for the record – baby-led-weaning is a load of rubbish. They’re all going to end up eating stale crisps off the floor of the car. Take it easy on yourself.
Read more
It's ok to ask for help when anxiety strikes
Looking on the bright side of farm life
SHARING OPTIONS