I’m so frustrated with my husband, I am fit to shake him. He has finally agreed to sign the farm over to our son after years of gentle cajoling and now I’m trying to get him to spend his hard-earned money on the retirement we both deserve.

I took early retirement five years ago and waited as patiently as I could for this day to come, when the farm was not our responsibility any more. We have a daughter in Australia who is married and expecting our first grandchild in the autumn and I really want us to go over there to spend time with them.

But my husband says he can’t go that far or for that long in case anything happens on the farm.

This is despite the fact our son has been farming the land with him for the past 10 years and knows the place upside down and inside out.

He also has great workers with him so there is absolutely no need whatsoever for my husband to be on call for any emergency situation.

We’ve put everything into the land throughout our 35-year marriage and I have never once resented being a farmer’s wife. Until now. Now it’s as if we are chained to the place and will never have a life outside it.

He has told me to go on my own, which broke my heart completely. I don’t want to go off on adventures on my own, I want us to do it together. I’ve told him I’m not looking to move over there, I just want us go to spend time with our daughter and grandchild, who we won’t get to see grow up. But he’s refusing to budge.

– A restless wife, Munster

Dear reader,

It sounds like you’ve come through a very demanding few months if you’ve gone through a successful succession arrangement with your son, which is the first thing I must congratulate you on.

It’s often said a farmer never retires as it is a way of life as opposed to an occupation so I can appreciate how difficult it is for your husband to adjust to his new circumstances

Many farm families are not as proactive as yours so that is the first positive to draw from your current circumstances. Secondly, congratulations on your impending new status as granny.

That is a wonderful occasion for any family and I hope the excitement is building, notwithstanding the impasse over travel plans. The transition for a farmer from active farming to retirement can be very difficult.

It’s often said a farmer never retires as it is a way of life as opposed to an occupation so I can appreciate how difficult it is for your husband to adjust to his new circumstances. There is a chance that he’s baulking at a trip to Australia simply because it is another big change in his life that he may not be able for and is grasping at straws for reasons not to travel.

I would suggest you discuss the situation with your son and make a clear plan of all the jobs that will be undertaken on the farm while you are away. This can set out any predicted difficulties, and contingency measures can be put in place.

If you can show your husband that all is under control for the few weeks he will be away, it should help reassure him that he can take time out for himself and his other family members, the newest of which he will meet for the first time if he agrees to this trip.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie