I am at my wits’ end trying to keep the peace between my adult sons who are at loggerheads over the future of the farm.

They are both in their early 30s and our only children. Despite helping out on our sheep farm when they were in school, neither has shown any interest in a career in agriculture. We put them both through college and they’ve gone on to very good jobs in IT and engineering. We consider ourselves lucky that they both live nearby, having married two wonderful local girls and given us three amazing grandchildren.

But my husband and I aren’t getting any younger and in the past few months we’ve started to talk about handing the farm over, with my goddaughter the most likely person to continue to actively farm our land.

However, our youngest lad announced a few weeks back that he’s started the Green Cert, which has come out of the blue and is already causing trouble. His older brother accuses him of moving in on his inheritance. They both assumed we would leave the land to them both and they would just sell up and split the proceeds equally after we’re both gone. We don’t want that, but neither do we want our two sons to destroy their relationship over a farm that up until a few months ago neither showed any interest in.

My husband has only started to talk about a retirement plan in the past few months and now this has all blown up he wants to forget about it all, which is only making things worse. I’m getting quizzed by both sons and I have no answers. It’s all one huge mess that needs sorting.

A Carlow mother

Dear reader,

The issue of succession is a difficult subject for many farming families and is made worse by the silence that surrounds the question of who will continue to farm the land after a farmer and his spouse are gone.

Teagasc offer a range of supports for families navigating the succession process

Now is the time, as uncomfortable as you and your husband may find it, to sit your sons down and have a calm, considered conversation as to what you have decided to do with the farm, and to make provision for your sons’ inheritance through any other assets that will be bequeathed to them on your death.

Teagasc offer a range of supports for families navigating the succession process. It would be worthwhile to link in with your local office to see if there is a local Transferring the Family Farm Clinic being held in your area in the coming weeks and months, which would be hugely beneficial to both you and your husband in navigating this process.

No child has a ‘right’ to anything from their parents, which may come as a shock to your sons, but you and your husband get to decide who gets what when you are no longer here.

If your goddaughter is the most suitable candidate to farm the land, then your youngest son’s Green Cert shouldn’t affect that plan. But be sure to include your goddaughter in the conversation to ensure this is something she is happy with.

Sharing your wishes with your family now, and holding firm to the plan that you and your husband decide is right for you, is the most realistic way of avoiding a full-blown fallout among your sons.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie