A Co Dublin vegetable farmer, who has been sober and clean from drugs and drink for almost 15 years, has urged others in the agricultural community to reach out and ask for help.

Liam Butterly, who racked up a drug debt of close to €50,000, bravely shared his story at the 17th Women & Agriculture Conference in the Radisson Blu Hotel, Little Island in Cork on 29 October as part of a panel on rural crime, chaired by Irish Country Living’s rural affairs journalist Jacqueline Hogge.

He chose to contact Jacqueline earlier this year after seeing a piece she wrote, in which she detailed the rising number of farmers turning to drugs.

An only son, Liam spoke movingly about feeling pressure when he was growing up in social situations and on the farm, initially turning to drink and later drugs to tackle the insecurity and pain he felt.

He said it was always difficult to show weakness.

Strength in speaking out

“You have to work 10-12 hours a day ... You're meant to be this kind of tough person, but I wanted to share that it takes a different type of courage to say, you know what, I’m not OK, and I need help,” he told the 600 attendees at the event.

“The day I asked for help was the bravest decision I ever made,” he added.

He recalled that, in his youth, “drugs were as easily available as drink”.

“I tried cannabis. I hated it. I didn’t like it. Then when I tried ecstasy, the first time I tried it, I loved it,” he said.

“That night was probably one of the best nights of my life. The problem was I chased that night for the rest of my years, and I never got it. I just got progressively worse.”

Rock bottom

Liam recalled his rock-bottom moment of being thrown out of a pub early one morning after a three-day bender.

“I was that drunk,” he said. “But all of a sudden, I sobered up fairly quick. I noticed people walking around with their kids after Christmas, and I just got hit by that guilt [thinking of his partner, Kelly, at home with his child].

“You know what? That was the last time I drank or used, which is going to be 15 years ago this Christmas.”

Kelly’s support was pivotal in his recovery, along with the backing of his four children. He is now involved in Narcotics Anonymous and has set up his own group in his locality.

Farmers and drugs

However, Liam is witnessing the toll drugs are having on other farmers.

“It’s [drugs] a massive problem," he said. "Where I live, there have been massive tragedies in the last couple of years, with two farmers taking their own lives, and I’ve lost a cousin to addiction.”

While the first few years of recovery were difficult, he encourages people to reach out:

“What I got from being clean and sober, I have the tools to live. I’m running the farm now. The relationship I have with my father is 10 times better.

“I’m not afraid to look into someone’s eyes when I’m talking to them or to walk into a shop. All the things that used to put me back.”

He admits it’s been a “long, long process” and recovery is continuous. It took him around five years to pay off his debt alone.

“I’m never going to turn around and say I’m recovered,” he said. “It’s an almost daily thing that I attend my NA meetings, two or three times a week.”