I’m in danger of snapping at one of my dearest friends in the world and I need you to help me find a way of saving the friendship before I make a huge mistake.

I’ve recently changed jobs and have joined a company where my friend works. I knew going into the role that she would be my line manager, which I didn’t think would be an issue as we are both professional women who have gained considerable experience in our respective roles.

The problem is I’m being micromanaged and it is driving me insane. I was hired on the basis of my competence and ability in the role, and I don’t need anyone hovering over me all the time. I’ve also found that she can be quite patronising in front of other colleagues, making reference to the fact that I’m also a part-time farmer in a mocking way for some reason. I’m not sure if that’s me being paranoid or if it’s her throwing her weight around.

She encouraged me to go for the role, and never in a million years did I think this would happen. Now I don’t know if I’ll survive my probationary period at the company as I’m on the verge of quitting, but I have bills to pay so I need this job.

How can I get through to her that I’m not a threat to her in the workplace and our friendship is on a knife edge if she doesn’t back off?

– A weary friend, Co Cork

Dear reader,

Mixing friendship and workplace relationships can be tricky, especially if the friendship is formed long before two people become colleagues. There’s an extra layer to navigate when there’s an imbalance in power, and your letter does suggest that your friend is feeling vulnerable now that you have entered her workspace.

You mention that she encouraged you to go for the role, so this may be a good starting point in the conversation you need to have with her, if your relationship is to survive.

I would ask her how she thinks you’re getting on in your first few months of the job, but have the conversation away from the office so that you’re on neutral territory. Listen to what she has to say and try not to take any criticism personally.

I would also mention the fact that bringing your outside commitments, such as the farm, into your workplace is inappropriate

You are asking the question to open the door to you giving honest feedback, where you can point out that you find you work best without constant supervision. It wouldn’t hurt to mention that you’re finding her behaviour at work a tad overbearing.

I would also mention the fact that bringing your outside commitments, such as the farm, into your workplace is inappropriate. If she reacts badly to any of the points you raise, it may be a good thing as it will give her cause to reflect on her behaviour.

If you still value her as a friend this is the time to point out that you really don’t want anything to come between you both. However, if you feel the friendship has run its course you still need to establish acceptable workplace boundaries. If this isn’t possible you may have to escalate the matter to your company’s HR department as there are rules and regulations surrounding acceptable workplace behaviour.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie