We’ve received a huge response to a recent letter (“I’m 39, but feel so isolated”, 26 April) where a single farmer explained how he has never travelled more than 50 miles from home, can’t use a computer, was never at a wedding or disco, never met a girl and “would give the farm away to just find peace and happiness.” Here is one letter we received and we will have more next week.

Dear Anon,

You reminded me of my beloved, late father-in-law. The only son on a small farm, his sisters getting on with their lives while he “kept the place going.” In his 40s he met (I think friends may have set it up) my mother-in-law. They went on to have four children and seven grandchildren. Granddad was the centre of my children’s world – he brought them to school, he told them stories of the animals and the birds, the names of the fields where he hunted, the rivers in which he fished and swam. He connected my two children to the place and made it their home. Granny and Granddad absolutely loved one another. She was the outgoing one, he the dependable, trustworthy one, steady as a rock.

As you are only 39, you still have all this possibility before you. There are hundreds of women going to pubs and discos, places they feel dreadfully uncomfortable in, in the hope of meeting somebody like you.

So I suggest you need to take small steps. First thing in the morning or last thing at night, write down or say into the mirror three things you are grateful for. It could be as simple as a warm breeze on your skin. Maybe buy a journal and spend a little time every day writing down your thoughts, good and bad. If tears come, let them, they wash out some of the pain.

As your confidence grows in realising how alive you actually are, you may take the next step. Perhaps join a Teagasc farm walk – men and women participate in those. The GAA is a marvellous organisation and one match will get you hooked. Follow your parish/club/county. If you can’t drive, ask for a lift. All those neighbours owe you favours. If they make a big deal of you going, slagging etc, say something like: “I’m breaking out in 2014,” and chuckle. Not everybody has to be the greatest craic – the world needs listeners too. I’ve gone to matches on my own and someone you know will shove over to let you sit down, or go early and they will sit beside you. Natural chit-chat will follow and then you have a shared experience to talk about at the mart the following week.

Have you small nieces or nephews? Children are wonderful and they’ll love you wholeheartedly if you give them a bit of attention. Hold their hand, show them the farm, tell them stories. As for computers, don’t bother. Buy yourself an iPhone. Learn how to text and then email and then, in a year or two, you’ll be Skyping the relatives abroad – if I can do it at 53, you can at 39.

I am curious as to what happened 20 years ago at the debs? Were you mocked? Did your date let you down? It would be good to track back to that time, maybe through your journal or a phone call to the Samaritans. They will explore this with you. It’s none of my business, but it is a significant time in your life, I think, so explore it.

The lovely spring has the sap rising in your veins. You have expressed the need to be loved, to be included. That’s your humanity and you have a right, but you have to take a little risk. So take one, e.g. turn up for the next farm walk. The first is always the hardest, but don’t talk yourself out of this opportunity to connect with people.

Also, without intending it, you may have hurt your siblings by not going to their weddings etc. Write them a letter explaining why, or cut out your journal entry and post it to them. I would be really surprised if there wasn’t at least one that will understand and get you involved in the wider community again, if only going for a cup of tea. They may have a friend who has been unlucky in love. I can name three women I know in their 40s who are lonely. I can also name women who got married in their late 30s and still went on to have lovely families. Life has not passed you by. You have just chosen to live it in a quieter way so far. That is all.

Mary