An awareness of the importance of mental health has grown in recent years and a current TV programme, Raised by the Village, is showing us the steps required to wean teenagers off their addiction to mobile phones and connect with the world around them. But, unfortunately, this problem is not confined to teenagers. Daily here on our village street, people of all ages are so engrossed on mobile phones that they walk past and totally ignore their neighbours.

We are not mentally where we are but somewhere else. And we are all guilty. As one wise old teacher once told us ‘Sound is heard but example thunders.’ And we are thundering! Joyce once referred to a man as living at a distance from himself. Are many of us now doing that? Maybe as we grow older, and hopefully a bit wiser, we wake up to the need for an awareness to be in the here and now.

On the farm

Many years ago on our farm we had a helper called Dan who came when it suited him and left when he got fed up with us. One day he and a cheeky eight-year-old me got into a war of words during which I disrespectfully called him ‘Daneen’, by which he was known, though out of his hearing as it has connotations of being little, maybe a bit juvenile, and is a diminutive usually used for child.

When I was reprimanded by my mother for such disrespectful behaviour, Dan acidly informed her, “Missus, children have only what they hear.” That was telling us! But Dan was a shrewd old bird who had learned the lessons of life the hard way.

Maybe one of the valuable lessons that we all learn as we grow older is the importance of our connectedness with others. In the film Funny Girl, Barbra Streisand sings: “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world …” But we will not be connected with the people in our lives unless we take the time to communicate with them and appreciate them.

Friendship takes time

People who have good friends have them because they give friends time – friendship takes time and commitment. Even within a marriage. Many years ago, my husband and I were so bogged down in small children, teenagers and business that we had no time to talk to each other. This led one of our friends to demand of me one day in frustration when I had failed to pass on a message: “Do ye live in the same house at all?” And sometimes I had wondered the same thing.

But one sunny summer Saturday morning, leaving our eldest in charge, we abandoned ship and headed for the hills of Kerry for just one night. One night! It was manna in the desert and we had two golden days just walking, talking and being ourselves.

That one night and those two days saved my sanity and taught me a valuable lesson. It is so easy for partners, family and friends to drift apart and there are many, many undetectable, invisible factors that cause this to happen. After that one night and two days away in Kerry I wrote the following:

Togetherness

Kept apart by busy days

We who belong together

As the interlaced fingers

Of praying hands

Join again in quiet times

At peace in our togetherness.

And as we grow older, togetherness-time with family, friends and neighbours grows more precious. An understanding friend to lift you up when you are having a bad day is one of life’s greatest blessings.

One day on the hill beside my house, I met a retired lady who had recently moved into our village, and in the course of the conversation she told me that she was finding it extremely difficult to get to know people and settle in. She told me that she had a pain in her face from smiling at people who did not smile back. A sobering revelation.

If you move house and you have school-going children you have access to other parents and their activities, but that is not so in retirement.

However, in this parish we have a friendship club, yoga club, bridge club, flower club and many other clubs and once this lovely lady got engaged with the one that suited her, she was on her way, and now is happily settled into our community.

Church attendance

Maybe in the past a connection point for communities was one of the pluses of our once regular Church attendance. After Mass or church service neighbours met weekly and often stood outside afterwards and caught up with parish happenings, and newcomers were introduced to their neighbours.

We miss that frequent connectedness now and maybe we have yet to find new ways to replace it. I was never a pub person but I would imagine that they are a meeting and connection point for many. On our annual Tidy Towns pub quiz night, the camaraderie and companionship of the pub is very evident.

My husband became an enthusiastic bridge player when he retired from the frantic world of GAA and other physically committed activities. Bridge became his all-absorbing hobby and within the home club, and indeed with people in others clubs, he formed many friendships. Up to his sudden departure he lived life to the full, and was interested and interesting.

One of the greatest tragedies in life must surely be to die in spirit while you are still alive.

This extract is from Weathering Storms by Alice Taylor, published by The O’Brien Press, €19.99.