There’s a big difference between childfree and childless. One is a deliberate choice, the other is a state of being that people find themselves in for a variety of reasons – starting later, not finding a partner, medical issues, infertility and more.

Fertility coach Helena Tubridy suggests moving away from asking “What am I doing wrong?” and towards the question “How can I better support myself?” in her new book Still Trying to Conceive?

For those wanting to start a family, the trend of women having children later in life is one to consider. The latest annual figures from Ireland’s Central Statistics Office (CSO), show 4,687 women aged 40 or older gave birth in 2025.

Two decades earlier, in 2005, there were 2,526 births to women aged 40-49. That’s an increase of almost 86% over 20 years, even though the total number of births in Ireland fell during that period.

While some women will have no problem conceiving in their 40s, fertility naturally declines as we age for most, making the journey to parenthood more challenging.

If you’re struggling to conceive after years of trying or have experienced multiple miscarriages, it can be very difficult to continue the journey without support.

Helena Tubridy is a fertility coach, trauma therapist and former midwife who has been helping people achieve their dream of parenthood for more than three decades. She began her career as a nurse before becoming a midwife where she witnessed not just the physical side of trying to conceive, pregnancy and birth, but the profound emotional and psychological experiences that shape outcomes. Over time, she realised how unresolved stress, trauma, and fear – particularly after miscarriage or difficult births – impacted future fertility journeys.

Helena’s programmes blend clinical knowledge with a deep understanding of the mind-body connection through hypnotherapy and trauma-informed approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing). EMDR is a therapy that uses bilateral stimulation – guided eye movements, tapping, or tones – while recalling a traumatic memory. This process unlocks the brain’s information-processing system to “digest” the trauma, neutralising the emotional distress and shifting negative self-beliefs into adaptive, positive ones.

Despite being based in Co Meath, Helena made the decision to work exclusively via Zoom about 12 years ago as it seemed to be more beneficial to her clients. It allowed people to continue their sessions seamlessly while travelling for work, on holiday, or undergoing IVF (in vitro fertilisation) abroad.

Irish Country Living spoke to Helena recently about how her role varies from client to client – be it supporting the body and mind to conceive; healing after miscarriage or birth trauma, or navigating assisted routes like IVF with greater resilience. She is delighted to have the opportunity to share more about the work she does to help people realise their dream of parenthood.

1. What is the link between the nervous system, our past traumas and our ability to carry a pregnancy?

“The nervous system plays a central role in fertility. When the body is in a chronic state of stress or hypervigilance, often after prolonged TTC [trying to conceive], or experiences like miscarriage or birth trauma, it can compound hormonal balance, implantation, and the ability to sustain a pregnancy. In my programmes, I work on healing, and regulating the nervous system, helping clients feel safe and regain confidence in their bodies again.”

2. Your USP is a ‘medically accurate mind-body approach to IVF success.’ Where does your medical training meet your practice of hypnotherapy and EMDR?

“For me, there is no separation. My clinical midwifery background ensures a grounded, medically-accurate program for clients. My work in hypnotherapy and EMDR allows me to address what medicine alone often can’t, how someone feels in their body, their fears, their past experiences and mental blocks. My programmes bring these together in a very practical way, and my book Still Trying to Conceive? reflects that integration so readers can experience it for themselves.”

3. What is the difference between fertility attracting coaching and manifestation?

“‘Manifesting’ can sometimes place pressure on people to ‘think positively’ enough or risk feeling like they’ve failed or are not worthy of achieving their goal. My approach is different. It’s rooted in neuroscience, no toxic positivity, simple and direct. It’s about partnership with the body and mind.”

4. In your blog, you write that the ‘body remembers’. How do you help people release held trauma?

“Trauma is not just something we think about, it’s something the nervous system in the body holds. This is especially true after miscarriage and birth trauma, which can leave a lasting imprint. In my programmes, I use rapid methods to help clients process experience and help the nervous system move out of that state of threat.”

You don’t just coach women, you work with men as well.

5. How do you approach sensitive subjects like ‘baby-making sex’ or ‘erectile regularity’ with people you have just met?

“These conversations are approached with enormous care and normalisation. Many couples are silently struggling with intimacy issues, particularly as and when sex becomes goal-oriented or stressful.

I see people individually, not as couples. My role is to create a safe, non-judgmental space where these topics can be explored openly. Within my programmes, I guide couples back to connection, reducing pressure and supporting both emotional and physical aspects of intimacy.”

6. Is there any situation – perhaps age or medical history – where you would tell someone that your service isn’t for them?

“Yes, and that comes from a place of integrity and care, I have an MA in Ethics. Because of my medical background, I’m always mindful of when additional or alternative support is needed. My programmes are designed to complement medical care, not replace it.

“Sometimes that means guiding someone toward further investigations, or ensuring they have the right clinical team around them. It’s always about what is in the client’s best interest.”

7. If someone is struggling to start a family, at what point should they contact you?

“There is no ‘wrong’ time. Some people come to me at the very beginning, as clinics on the continent mandate hypnotherapy to assist IVF implantation success, while others here in Ireland want to optimise their mindset and emotional wellbeing. Others come after miscarriage, birth trauma, or multiple IVF cycles have failed.”

8. Congratulations on your new book, Still Trying to Conceive?, which came out in June. Was it difficult to distil everything you’ve learned into one place?

“I had enough material for about four books because there is so much I wanted to share! But I was very clear on what readers want.

People already know a lot about IVF and medical treatment processes. Still Trying to Conceive? is designed to guide people on the emotional side of trying to conceive, of being able to persevere, not going down blind alleys when faced with needing to have fertility treatment, after failed cycles, and miscarriage/pregnancy loss.

It looks to help people ‘project manage’ their treatment, avoid pitfalls, negotiate work and living, while preparing for pregnancy.

“The most important messages? They are not alone, nor are they studying for a PhD in Fertility. The answer is not always the latest fad or expensive ‘add-on’ to treatment…”

9. What are the fertility myths still circulating that you wish would go away?

“One of the biggest myths is that if you just ‘relax’ pregnancy will happen, which can feel incredibly dismissive, especially after miscarriage or fertility struggles. A positive mindset will not cure endometriosis or blocked tubes. My work is often in tandem with sound medical care.

“Another is the idea that mindset alone determines outcome. There are many variables, many unknowns. In my work and in Still Trying to Conceive?, it’s not about blame or oversimplification. It’s about understanding the complexity of fertility and offering useful guidance, options and support.”

Still Trying to Conceive? is published by Rethink Press, and is priced €14.11 on Amazon.ie. See helenatubridy.com