My mother will be 90 years old in January, and she is in reasonable health, except she has Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. It has put a whole new perspective on my farming and family life.

My mother spent her life on the farm and worked extremely hard. Five of her children were born at home. She worked right up until giving birth and within days she was back outside milking cows. My father did a lot of contracting for other farmers, so it was left to my mother and grandmother to do all the milking and yard work.

When we were children, we were always outside with my mother. The baby of the house would be in a pram in the middle of the byre and if there was milk needed then it came straight from the cow (no filtering or pasteurisation).

The older children always helped look after the younger ones.

My mother did not have an easy life, but she did all she could to give us all the best start possible.

Then when my grandmother got on in years my mother took on a big job of looking after her.

My grandmother ended up bedridden, but my mother kept her at home right up until the end.

In later years, my mother also took on looking after the grandchildren. Nothing was too much trouble, and she spoiled us all.

She would also still help out on the farm. If a cow were calving or we were making hay or silage, she would be there and she still wanted to know what was going on.

Changes

Four or five years ago I started to notice changes. She would forget stuff and would ask you the same thing over and over.

At the start I did not pass many remarks as we can all forget things. We arranged for the doctor to do tests and see if anything could be done.

It was only after more than three years of appointments that they eventually diagnosed vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s.

In some ways it was a relief to have a diagnosis and some kind of treatment but in all honesty, it was three years too late. She is on medication, but I don’t think it is helping.

Over the last couple of years, it has got worse and her memory is now non-existent. She still asks about the farm and what you are doing but in minutes she has forgot what you told her.

In the summer she would sit outside the house (which is on the farm) and watch what was going on. If she does not see me for an hour or so she gets very distressed.

Carers

We have tried to get carers for her, but it is a real struggle. The Trust have no carers for us, so I have to actively go out and look for people and interview them and then employ them. Then I have to sort out payroll, taxes and pension.

On top of that I have to keep an eye on them to make sure they are actually doing what she needs.

My sisters are exceptionally good at helping and take on as much as they can, but they have their own lives and families.

Our mother looked after us and we will try and look after her at home as long as we can.

It is a cruel condition. Every day and every week you lose another bit of them. They remember less and less.

I am trying to juggle the farm, my own family, carers, and my mother. Add to that trying to sort out rotas and dealing with all the unforeseen things that crop up.

Many farmers think that the Department of Agriculture is a broken system – well the health care system is worse.

When you try to look after someone at home you are pretty much left to fend for yourself.