Question: I’m so worried about my eldest daughter who has been very low the past few months but won’t agree to see our GP.

She’s a quiet girl by nature, but seemed to get through school alright. Not particularly academic, she always said she wanted to be a hairdresser. And we were all set for her to do an apprenticeship with my sister who has her own salon, and then do one day a week in college.

But something changed over the summer and I can’t get to the bottom of it. Her group of close friends have all gone off to university and while she knew this was going to happen, she insisted in the run up to the Leaving Cert that she had no interest in leaving home.

Now that she’s been left here on her own, she’s not coping very well and has announced she doesn’t want to be a hairdresser anymore.

Luckily my sister is very understanding about it. My daughter stays in bed until way past lunchtime during the week and when she appears she’s glued to her phone. She’s stopped meeting up with her friends at the weekend too, which is the bit that worries me the most.

I want to get her to open up but I can’t get through to her at all. Her father’s patience is wearing thin at this stage, and he says she’s setting a terrible example for the younger kids.

How do I get through to her that if she really doesn’t want to follow through with her original plan, she needs to come up with another?

-Worried mother in Meath

Dear reader,

It’s a very difficult stage in young people’s lives, where they leave the safety net of secondary school and have to navigate the adult world.

Your daughter seems overwhelmed by this change, which isn’t helped by the fact that her friends have all gone away.

My first concern is that your daughter has retreated into herself, which could indicate that she is struggling with her mental health at the moment. It is very important that you encourage her to speak to her GP.

There is also the situation of the total collapse of her previous dream to become a hairdresser. Many young girls find their true calling in the creativity of the hairdressing profession, and I am assuming that your daughter would have had a front row seat to the industry through her aunt’s salon.

My guess is that your daughter’s confidence has taken a hit, now that her friends have moved away and she finds herself in the position of needing to make new friends. That is easier said than done, at any age, but particularly when the safety net of the school environment is gone.

Instead of putting the foot down and insisting she comes up with a plan B, I would suggest you encourage her to look at courses or classes she could take locally, where she will meet new people.

My guess is that your daughter’s confidence has taken a hit, now that her friends have moved away and she finds herself in the position of needing to make new friends.

Many secondary schools, education and training centres offer Post Leaving Cert courses so you should be able to find one in your area. These tend to be one or two years in duration and can provide an excellent transition for those leaving secondary school who are unsure what road they want to take in work or education.

Your daughter will find her path. Your job is to help her on the road, and for now, patience is probably your best option.

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