Question: My wife, who is pregnant with our first child, has stopped speaking to my side of the family in a stupid row over names.

My sister, who is due her third child around the same time, has told everyone she intends calling her daughter the same name my wife has wanted to call our baby, since she was young.

I can’t understand the level of upset this is causing, when neither child has entered the world yet, but every time the subject of baby names comes up, my wife melts into tears and nothing I can say helps.

I’ve also tried to speak to my sister, who already has two sons, about how important it is to my wife that we have the name, but she’s dismissing my wife as hysterical and told us to get over ourselves. Meanwhile, my wife is convinced that my sister only came up with the name after we had confided in my mother about the name.

Thankfully, Mam and Dad are staying out of it, something they have done in most rows between us down through the years, even though none of these have caused as much upset as what’s going on now.

I need to fix this before our babies are born or they might not get to grow up with the close connection as cousins that I presumed would just happen.

How can I broker a ceasefire that will repair the damage already done and help get us all back on track? The priority should be the children being born healthy.

– A dad to be, Co Longford

Dear reader,

First of all, congratulations to you and your wife on your pregnancy, which is a precious time you both should be enjoying as you prepare for your imminent arrival.

It is unfortunate that both your wife and your sister have chosen the same name. I presume given the trouble it’s causing that both women know they are in fact expecting daughters?

This is a problem many families encounter and if compromise is being resisted on both sides, then you may have to accept the fact that there will be two little girls growing up with the same first name in your family.

The only other option you have is that if your wife gives birth first, proceed in naming your daughter as you have planned. But don’t raise any objections to the fact your niece may well be given the same name when she arrives.

The only other option you have is that if your wife gives birth first, proceed in naming your daughter as you have planned

If yours is the second baby born, you can always go back to the baby name books and find an alternative that you both like. This is, after all, your child too, and while you may not be as invested in the name, it would be the perfect solution to come up with an alternative name.

The priority here is making sure Mum stays calm and well as she navigates the final weeks of her pregnancy. Have a few alternative names in the mix, along with some options if in fact you welcome a son – not all scans are 100% accurate – and try to get your wife to look at the bigger picture here.

Neither of you can control what your sister does when her baby is born, so focus on your family first. Everything else will fall into place.

Wishing you and your wife all the best in the world with your first child.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie