Question: I’m at loggerheads with my husband for the past six months and I cannot get him to see reason. We’ve been married two years, and while we have our own house in Dublin, I have always made it crystal clear that I wanted to move home to the country. Ever since we first started dating, he knew that my heart was at home, and he said he would move wherever I wanted.

The thing is, now we want to start a family and I had always intended to do that with my family around me. He isn’t from Dublin, he’s actually from the UK, but is now playing the card that he wants to be close to an airport so that he can go home to see his family. I’m not trying to keep him from his family at all, but I feel betrayed that he is backtracking on a promise he made me years ago that he would be happy to live anywhere with me.

The issue is causing huge rows, with neither of us able to find a compromise. He says he’s happy in Dublin, but wants to have children. We have no support in the city and we have a house to move to down home, as I inherited my grandparents’ cottage earlier this year.

It needs work but it is habitable and both of us work in jobs that offer remote working. I really can’t understand why he is reneging on a commitment I thought was solid.

The longer he refuses to budge, the more damage is being inflicted on our relationship. How do I move this forward in a way that will protect our marriage, but also fulfil a lifelong dream to settle back in my home village?

– Frustrated wife, Co Cork

Dear reader,

You’re dealing with a very intense roadblock here and the first thing I would suggest is you both take a step back from the arguments and breathe.

Your letter doesn’t mention how long you and your husband were together before you got married, but if it was a significant period then it’s safe to assume you’ve both changed since those early days of romance when you no doubt promised each other the world.

If your husband is already living away from his own family, it may be too big a step for him to increase that distance just yet. Your frustration at what you perceive as his backtracking is probably only serving to reinforce his refusal to follow through on his initial promise.

I imagine you’ve both become so entrenched in your individual positions, that you cannot see the other’s perspective. This is where a couples’ counsellor could help

I think you could both benefit from some independent, impartial advice and the opportunity to really listen to what the other person is saying, as I imagine you’ve both become so entrenched in your individual positions, that you cannot see the other’s perspective. This is where a couples’ counsellor could help. You clearly love each other, but the practicalities of where you both want to live could cause a permanent rift in your relationship if you don’t address this problem sooner rather than later.

The other advice I can offer is that you suggest a trial living period in your grandparents’ cottage. This could be for as little as six months, to test the waters for you both, as the dream of country living may not meet your own expectations. And yet life in the countryside may suit your husband more than he thinks.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie