A friend recently confided in me that she is having a tough time of it in work due to her boss. There was a particular incident at an event that sparked our conversation. I was horrified at her recount of the story but she said that he is actually much worse on an everyday basis.

He gets verbally aggressive, having brought several other female employees to tears

He continually belittles her work and the work of the other women on her team. He gets verbally aggressive, having brought several other female employees to tears and will only listen to the men on their team in any situation – so much so, that if the female employees have a good idea, they ask their male co-worker to bring it up to their boss. As a result, the boss believes that the women don’t bring anything special to the organisation.

I asked my friend why she – someone who is so smart, capable and hardworking – stays in such a bad situation. The truth is, she absolutely loves her job. Her co-workers all enjoy the work they do. They seldom see their boss, though when they do, it’s usually a negative experience.

In the year 2019, it just shouldn’t be happening

But they feel, overall, the job and the money they make is too good to jeopardise by saying something or complaining to their HR department.

Now, this isn’t really acceptable. In the year 2019, it just shouldn’t be happening. Perhaps the most terrible part is that, when you’re dependent on a monthly paycheque, you sometimes have to remain silent in these situations. It’s easy for an outsider to say, “Just leave!” or, “I would never let a man treat me like that!” – unless you’re the one being affected by the situation, there’s no telling how you will react.

When nothing gets done; you stop making complaints as it only makes things more difficult for you

I must admit, I have put up with my share of toxic masculinity over the years. I was sexually harassed by a co-worker when I was employed by my university. When I complained, I was told that, since my co-worker was from another country, it was a “cultural thing” – nothing was done. I was patronised, subjected to unwanted comments about my body, shoulder rubs and swats on the bottom when I began my career years ago. When nothing gets done; you stop making complaints as it only makes things more difficult for you.

I didn’t think I would see this kind of toxic masculinity now, but the truth is, it continues to permeate every industry – from agriculture to medicine and everywhere in between. Sometimes it’s invisible – for example, the coffee we enjoy every morning was probably picked by women who are treated worse than slaves by plantation-owners.

But sometimes, there are also glimmers of hope

That cute new dress you bought the other day was probably made by a third-world mother who struggles to keep her children fed. And other times, as in my friend’s case, it’s right out in the open for everyone to see.

But sometimes, there are also glimmers of hope. Last week, we had beautiful, sunny weather here on the farm. I saw my husband take our five-year-old out to where the cows are held post-milking. He asked her to help him bring them down to the field where they’re currently grazing. I followed behind at a distance, with our two littler ladies toddling along. I could hear snippets of their conversation. My husband was explaining why cows graze in different fields at different times, why they need to be milked twice a day and what makes a Fresian different from a Hereford.

They got the cows safely secured into the field and came back towards us. I could hear them more clearly, now.

“Are you going to help me bring in the cows every day this summer?” He asked our five-year-old. She nodded earnestly.

“Good,” he replied as they walked. “In a few years you’ll be doing this all by yourself.”

And just like that, the glass ceiling on our farm shattered. Our girls are the next generation who will be working our land. There are still glaring gaps in gender equity throughout Ireland, particularly in the workplace, but there is also a new generation of very strong children growing up. They are going on strike for the environment. They aren’t afraid to take on leadership roles. Our children, both boys and girls, aren’t afraid to fight for their future.

And they certainly won’t be putting up with simple-minded misogyny. In the meantime, we will continue to do what we can, to call out poor behaviour when applicable, but most importantly, to support the women we love in their life endeavours.