Location: Los Angeles. I lay by the pool feeling the sun on my body. There was the most beautiful breeze. It was midday. I was alone. Tim was reading in the room. Julie and D were packing to go to visit our Irish friend Tommy and his lovely wife Maria. We would spend the last few days of our holiday with them in their new home in Long Beach. But my heart was breaking at the news that our great friend, a devoted wife and young mother, had died in Ireland.

I knew that at home, people were filing past her coffin. I entered the pool and allowed my tears to spill as I would have if I were there. Life is unpredictable and sometimes extremely sad. Just because we were on holiday didn’t mean that we were blissfully happy. We communicated with Philip and Colm back home and tried to support each other. We talked about living life to the best of our ability because truly we never know when it may end.

THE PLAN

Diarmuid has been obsessed with Hollywood for a very long time. His goal is to be an actor in Hollywood. Tim planned our trip carefully and off we went. I have to admit that we were in a low mood setting out.

Our friend had been taken gravely ill quite suddenly. It is a strange feeling heading off on holidays while people you know are suffering. There is a feeling of regret that you are removing the support that you would give were you around. Landing in LA, the first thing that hits you is the heat followed by the enormity of everything.

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS

Diarmuid was unusually reserved. Maybe he expected us to be launched straight into the Hollywood scene the minute he came off the plane. Maybe the death of our friend was effecting him. We weren’t sure.

We promised that Tuesday was his big day for Universal Studios. We were up and away early. The place is absolutely huge and everything is streamlined. As the day ages, the queues build but not for the O’Leary’s. Julie’s wheelchair meant we were ushered to a different path. We began in Harry Potter world. It is extremely authentic. Each theme within the park has a ride that, through special effects, mirrors the film experience. So we were on our way to the world of wizardry and magic.

We were taken up in a lift then across a dark corridor. There, we were gathered into a dull chamber where a four-seated carriage awaited. Julie got herself into the seat. Next up was D. I motioned him forward but he wasn’t budging. His two legs were glued to the ground. We tried everything but it wasn’t happening. It quickly became apparent that he was terrified. So we left.

We assured him that it was his choice and we were okay with it. Still, we thought of the money and trouble to give him a once-in-a-lifetime experience that we thought he would love.

You never know when an intellectual disability will paralyse, preventing experience. We moved to the wand shop. D set about buying Dumbledore’s wand. He had money given to him by his siblings and relations. The girl asked “with or without magic?” D answered firmly “without”.

As he stood there, Tim nudged me pointing at his legs. They were trembling hard. I had told him he was the leader and we would follow. Did I challenge him too much? These are the questions you ask yourself.

We did make the most of it. We tried to get him to go on rides depicting his favourite shows; Walking Dead, Zombies, Despicable Me, The Simpsons and Jurassic Park. The answer remained a firm “no”. We did manage the movie set tour. First up was a battle between King Kong and dinosaurs. D kept his head down, screaming. We got sprayed with water. D shouted the quote of our holiday “flipping hell dinosaurs, mind my new clothes”.

We experienced Jaws, an earthquake in the underground, a gun battle and a fast and furious car chase. It was quite brilliant. We had our lunch – a crusty roll, in Simpson land. The heat was unrelenting. By 4pm, there was nothing more to do as D had tuned out. Such is life!

HOME COMFORTS

Now that we are at Tommy and Maria’s home, D has relaxed and is enjoying the trip to the various sights under their expert guidance. It is home away from home. He has known Tommy since they were children.

Looking on the bright side, the box is ticked for D. He has been to Hollywood. As he moves away from the fear, his holiday will become amazing. That is his style. We are all different and sometimes we are not able to rise to the challenges of life.

Diarmuid’s vulnerability is more acute and reasoning is lost on him. And so we learned more about our son and are left asking the question: “Do we challenge him too much?” It is part of our philosophy for everything, so maybe we should have prepared D better. In truth, we thought we had.

So, as we leave the area of Los Angeles, I will remember a jungle of concrete with a multitude of spaghetti-curving junctions and six lanes of traffic going in one direction. It is a conglomerate of cities, with a comparable population to Ireland living in an area of 1,302km2. It is fast, furious and commercial. But the mention of LA will always remind me of the loss of my friend. CL