I don’t know where to turn for help, but I have to do something, as I have recently discovered my young grandchildren are living in a hotel.

My daughter has ended up homeless in recent months, fleeing an abusive partner and she rightly took herself and her two sons away from the hell they were living in. She was too scared to come home, as this man knows where we live, and as much as we tried to reassure her that they would be safe, she refused to risk it.

They’re now living in the nearest main town, which is half an hour from the farm, and are in a small hotel room, hoping that they might get a house from the council soon.

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The thoughts of them on top of each other, with nowhere to play, or even eat a proper meal is keeping me awake at night. My husband thinks we shouldn’t interfere, but I would do anything to get them to come home to me, until my daughter can get back on her feet.

Any time I try to talk to her about it, she refuses, and accuses me of trying to control her like her ex-partner did, which I won’t lie, is very hurtful. But I understand she’s not herself right now either given all that has happened.

How do I approach this in the right way so that I can bring my family home and mind them, as every mother and granny should?

– Sarah, Co Kerry

Dear reader,

You are going through a horrible experience, witnessing the effects of domestic abuse on your daughter and grandchildren. But as painful as this is for you, you cannot begin to imagine the range of emotions your daughter is experiencing right now.

It undoubtedly took immense courage for her to leave an abusive relationship, and I imagine the priority for her now is to keep her children and herself safe.

It’s clear that you and your husband don’t think you could harm your daughter or her children, but to interfere in any way runs the risk of your daughter feeling under attack. That is the last thing anyone wants to happen.

If she feels her ex-partner remains a threat, she needs to file a report to the Gardaí

What you could do in the first instance, is offer to take the children after school and give them dinner. Just once a week to begin with and if they enjoy their time on the farm, it may open up the possibility of overnight or weekend visits.

You could frame it as an opportunity for your daughter to do something nice for herself. She could meet a friend for coffee or even go for a walk to clear her head as I’m sure the stress of living in one room with her children is having a detrimental effect on her mental health.

But your daughter’s fears regarding her family’s safety cannot be ignored. If she feels her ex-partner remains a threat, she needs to file a report to the Gardaí.

The most important thing you can do now is offer unconditional support. If your daughter confuses your concern for judgment, you may end up pushing her away, along with the likelihood of her eventually returning home with her children.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie