Question: My heart is broken with my youngest lad, he is in his Leaving Cert year and the brightest of our five children but has no interest in continuing on past school. He’s not bothered about coming on to the farm full-time either, despite us trying to encourage him to do the Green Cert while he’s young. I don’t want to force him into doing something he doesn’t want to do, but it’s the fact he has no plan to do anything that is concerning me the most.

He has his oral exams coming up and says he’ll be grand, but we haven’t heard a word of Irish or Spanish being spoken since he went in to fifth year. His teachers say he has huge potential, but when he won’t do the work it’s hard at this stage to see him even passing his exams - never mind going to college

His father claims he’s spoilt and lazy and says he won’t be living in his house past his exams if he’s not going to contribute in some way. I’ve always defended him and given him a few quid every week as pocket money but at this stage I’m starting to think my husband may be right.

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He’s our only boy, so has always been put on a pedestal and not just by me. How do I convince him that life isn’t as simple as having his Mammy do everything for him?

I don’t want to cut him off but I fear that if I keep pandering to him, I’ll be the reason he doesn’t succeed in life.

A worried mother

Co Clare

Dear reader,

The Leaving Cert year is by far one of the most challenging years of parenting, if my own experience is anything to go by. Children who are often young adults are under their own pressures and stresses and can be very hard to live with, and that’s without the tumultuous dose of teenage hormones thrown into the mix.

Your son sounds like he’s been allowed to coast along in life, with the constant attention often afforded the baby of the family, magnified by the fact he is an only son. But I am presuming he is 18 or thereabouts so surely, he knows enough about the world even at this stage to know that there is a life beyond his bedroom that he ought to explore?

Remember, academia isn’t for everyone - and neither is farming - but it is unusual that he has no plan at all for after secondary school, so I completely understand why you’re concerned. Has he a good mix of friends, or is he close to any of his sisters? Perhaps you could ask them to intervene on your behalf, to encourage him to think as to what his next steps will be?

He may not be giving adequate consideration to how much life will change when he doesn’t have the routine of his school calendar to fall back on, but when the summer ends and his friends are starting apprenticeships or going to college, he may get a rude awakening.

Remember, academia isn’t for everyone - and neither is farming - but it is unusual that he has no plan at all for after secondary school, so I completely understand why you’re concerned

My feeling is he is struggling to accept the changes ahead and all questions regarding future plans may be adding to the pressure.

Your best bet is to support him through his upcoming oral exams, and gently suggest that you have a proper chat once the summer exams are out of the way.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie