I am going to sound like a total ’bah humbug’ but I’m really struggling to cope in the run-up to Christmas, with pictures of happy families wearing matching pyjamas and Santa visits everywhere I look.

I’ve been married for six years, having met my amazing husband a decade ago. We spent the first few years of our relationship travelling the world, only coming home when my father-in-law died suddenly and we took over the farm.

It wasn’t any hardship as we always planned on settling down at home and rearing our family. But that is where we’ve hit a bump. Children have yet to make an appearance and despite a couple of rounds of fertility treatment, we haven’t managed to get pregnant.

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It’s a pain I carry year-round but feels particularly heavy at this time of year, with the whole heart of Christmas revolving around families and small children. It’s everywhere I look and I don’t want to sound selfish, but it hurts so much knowing that this may not be a part of my life going forward. I love my nieces and nephews dearly but it’s just not the same. Even the look of sympathy I get from well-meaning family is too much to take. How do I navigate the festive season?

– Mum in waiting

Co Kildare

Dear reader,

Firstly, you are not selfish for wanting to be a mother regardless of the time of year. But as I say to many people who contact me around Christmas, the festive season is not as the marketing teams would have us convinced, a magical time for everyone.

It sounds like you’ve come through an incredibly tough period where fertility treatment has not proven successful. The toll this will have taken on your physical and mental health will be considerable – you need time and space to recover.

You speak of your husband in glowing terms, which suggests your relationship is holding up under the strain of what you are both going through, so my advice is to be kind to yourselves in the weeks ahead.

Allowing yourselves to be sad, angry, confused, or any other emotion you are feeling right now is important. I understand this isn’t easy to do if you’re surrounded by family, particularly those with young children who will be caught up in the hysteria of Santa. But if you feel comfortable telling them about the journey you have been on, they will be more understanding.

The toll this will have taken on your physical and mental health will be considerable – you need time and space to recover

Perhaps a Christmas spent away from home, just the two of you, would help recharge the batteries and alleviate the impending Christmas rush of children, whose presence only amplifies their absence from your home.

Many hotels offer packages that would cater to couples, and could be an alternative to rowing in with the wider family celebrations that may prove too difficult for you to enjoy in your current frame of mind. You don’t need anyone’s permission to take time out for yourself, and those who know the journey you’re on should understand the need to step back.

Your letter doesn’t mention what your next step will be on your journey to become parents, but it sounds to me like taking a step back and regaining your strength might be the kindest approach to take, in the short term at least.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie