Question: I’m writing from my holiday home where I should be enjoying the best few weeks of the year but I’m stressed to the hilt by family members who have shown up uninvited.

For the past number of years, we have been spending our summers on the Antrim coast in a cottage we inherited from my husband’s aunt that we have extended and renovated.

This is the first year we have it fully finished and we have been really looking to spending most of the summer here, which we’re lucky enough to be able to do as my oldest son is taking on more responsibility on the farm.

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The problem is, we’ve been joined for the past two weeks by my cousin and their children and it’s all become a bit much. They mean well, but seem to think that a ‘free’ holiday is too good to pass up. They’re taking over the cottage and worse, seem to think I’m their host. Which technically I suppose I am but I have no interest in cooking and cleaning up after anyone other than my own children and husband (which now that I write that, I’m not overjoyed about having to be that person either).

How do I explain to my cousin that while we love her and her family dearly, two weeks is a bit much and we need our own space. And that a cottage we have spent years, and a lot of money, restoring can’t be used as free accommodation without the courtesy at least of asking can they stay. Am I being unreasonable?

A tired and reluctant host

Dear reader,

Family holidays are precious in so many ways, and the speed with which little people grow makes every year so special.

I’m a little surprised at the audacity of your cousin in just arriving unannounced and expecting you to wait on them hand and foot. Are you sure there wasn’t a throwaway remark made at some stage, where you or your husband told them all they were welcome to visit?

Unfortunately, people take such remarks very literally when it comes to what is perceived as a ‘free holiday’. There may also be the assumption that because you and your family have a whole summer to play with, that you wouldn’t have an issue accommodating them for a ‘night or two’. But in that case, surely your guests should have the manners to pitch in when it comes to cooking at least. Cleaning is probably a stretch for most people when they consider themselves in holiday mode. But that doesn’t mean you should have to take it on either.

All I can suggest is that ahead of next year’s holiday you refrain from extending any invitations and if any suggestions are made from relatives who want to visit, you can delicately point out that you’re planning to keep the time for your own family

Your letter suggests you’re in the middle of the madness at the moment and there is a chance once your guests have left you will reflect on things differently. I’m sure your children enjoyed having their cousins to stay but theirs aren’t the only needs that should be considered.

All I can suggest is that ahead of next year’s holiday you refrain from extending any invitations and if any suggestions are made from relatives who want to visit, you can delicately point out that you’re planning to keep the time for your own family – or put a time limit on it like a weekend that suits you, for example.

It may not land well, but if you allow this to become an annual pilgrimage for the wider family, your summer will turn into a chore instead of the much-needed holiday break you look forward to all year.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie