I am in my late 40s and just cannot believe the position I am in. I have two children and have recently started divorce proceedings with my husband after struggling with a lot of different challenges in recent years.

My soon-to-be ex smokes cannabis and I feel this is at the root of all our problems. Things are beyond toxic and I cannot believe we have come to this. I gave up so much for my family and I was the one who supported us financially for years.

I wonder now that I am three stone up and a shadow of my former self, will I ever get back to me and be happy? Sometimes things seem too much.

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My sons seem to be turning into my husband as each day passes and sometimes have very little respect for me. They are angry at the current situation, and I can only hope that when we are separated there will be a sense of normality.

I’d like to think I could have a normal life again, be happy and perhaps meet someone who shares the same values as I do. But I feel like I have let life pass me by and that I’ve been so unhappy for so long. It feels now that all is doomed.

Catherine, north-west reader

Dear reader,

You are clearly experiencing a very stressful and traumatic chapter in your life and my first advice is to seek professional help to support you through the many challenges you are facing.

The end of a relationship – marriage or otherwise – is fraught with a range of emotions as you grieve the relationship you had, or in your case the one you wish you had.

You say you feel you have become a shadow of your former self, which is understandable if you were the main breadwinner, along with raising your children in a home where drugs were present. All of these factors will have taken a very heavy toll on your mental, emotional and physical health and you will need time and space to heal.

The future seems like a frightening place when you’re still in the midst of so much upheaval

Your sons are understandably struggling with your impending separation but that is not a reason for them to disrespect you. You are their mother and they need to be reminded that you deserve their love and respect for all you have done and continue to do for them. In saying that, you should try not to project your frustration or anger with their father on to them. But clear boundaries need to be drawn as to what is and what isn’t acceptable behaviour.

The desperation in your letter about how you fail to see a future for yourself, given your age and the fact you will soon be a solo parent is so sad to read, but understandable. The future seems like a frightening place when you’re still in the midst of so much upheaval. But remember, you are already on the road to a happier, healthy life by virtue of you having the strength to call time on what was clearly a toxic relationship.

The first step is always the hardest and you have taken that, so have faith that you will tap into as yet undiscovered emotional reserves to gain strength on the difficult days ahead.

Trust that you are on a journey that will lead you to the happier life you clearly deserve.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie