I’m looking for some advice regarding financial woes I am having with my husband. We are married 26 years with one lovely son. When we built our home almost 30 years ago, we took out a very small mortgage of €25,000, which he repaid while I took care of practically everything else.

When our son was born, I paid for the childcare expenses for the first 13 years of his life, along with clothing, school costs, etc. Then 20 years ago we did up my husband’s family home for which we took out a mortgage of €60,000 which has just been paid off.

I am now paying off another loan that we took out to refurbish my own family home, which I don’t think will be enough to complete the work, despite the fact we’ve been approved for the Vacant Property Refurbishment Grant (VPRG).

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We both work, even though I am now in part-time employment, but I did work full-time up to 14 years ago when there was restructuring in the company. I have looked at other employment, but there aren’t many options given that I am in my mid 50s and have no college education.

My husband just buys tractors and machinery, and the latest purchase a quad, all of which are being paid for by hire purchase on a monthly basis. We both have farms inherited from our late parents which my husband and son look after.

The only money I get from the farm are the entitlements each year which are used to pay for manure, feed, silage, and water charges. I have found the past few months very hard and depressing and I’m now worrying about the latest loan and getting the property rentable.

– A worried wife, Co Clare

Dear reader,

Relationships can be ground down by a range of stressors, with financial pressures one of the most common affecting married couples. The bigger problem, however, is when communication breaks down within the couple so that one feels they are carrying the bigger burden.

It sounds like you and your husband had a clear financial arrangement from when you first married, but from your letter it now appears that you resent the disparity between your incomes and expenditures.

My first advice would be to enlist the services of a professional to help you navigate your financial commitments.

The simple act of writing everything down and seeing it all in black and white may help you make some decisions

Your accountant could help you work your way through your loan commitments and weigh up your options in terms of whether or not retaining your family home to refurbish as a rental property is in your best interests.

The simple act of writing everything down and seeing it all in black and white may help you make some decisions.

I would also suggest you visit your GP to talk through your concerns, which sound like they are taking a toll on your mental health.

The most important person you need to speak with, however, is your husband. You have shared a life and a son, and it is now equally important that you share your worries as a first step to finding a way through this difficult time.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie