I am so angry at the lack of compassion this country of ours has for the recently bereaved.

We lost my uncle, suddenly, earlier this year. He was a bachelor and lived with our family all his life. My mam and her brother were very close after they lost their parents in their teens and he was a huge part of our family growing up.

Mam is still heartbroken that her only brother is gone, and the arrival of a jury summons in the post for him in the past few days has traumatised her even further.

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I am livid that people can’t go to the trouble of checking that the person they’re summoning is in fact alive. Surely, we aren’t the only family to endure this lack of sensitivity?

I rang the Courts Service and they said it’s an automated process and there is nothing they can do. Would you have any advice on how I get my uncle’s name taken off whatever list he is still on, so that this doesn’t happen again in the future?

I would also like some advice for how to best support my mother. I am devastated for her. She was just showing signs of starting to come out of the dark haze of grief but it feels she has taken one step forward and two steps back due to this court summons. How can we help her move forward?

I’m also conscious that this will also be her first Christmas without her brother at the table, and this is a time of year that is full of memories.

– A grieving niece, Co Westmeath

Dear reader,

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your uncle, a much-loved and cherished member of your family.

The loss of a loved one is traumatic, but the sudden nature of your uncle’s death after such a close relationship has undoubtedly added to your mother’s grief.

To receive correspondence in his name is upsetting, especially when it comes from the authorities as there is a perception that a person’s death should be notified to all agencies on a central database.

Unfortunately, this is not the case. When it comes to jury summons, they are issued on an ad hoc basis, with information gleaned from the official register held in each county by the local authority. Therefore, if you haven’t notified your local authority of your uncle’s death, he is likely to receive letters into the future.

However, you can call the County Registrar office at your county council and ask for your uncle’s name to be removed from the register.

You will need to provide your uncle’s name, date of birth and Eircode for them to remove his details.

When it comes to how to best support your mother, you already have a good understanding of why a letter in the post of such nature would be a setback for her. That is important because it means she doesn’t have to explain herself.

However, you can call the County Registrar office at your county council and ask for your uncle’s name to be removed from the register

Grief is not a linear process, and as you say, this time of year can be particularly challenging for people who are bereaved. What is important for your mother is that she has the space to talk through how she is feeling. This could be with you and other family members, or perhaps she might benefit from speaking to a counsellor. There are also free and accessible bereavement supports such as The Irish Hospice Foundation and The Samaritans.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie