We have been invited to spend Christmas with my husband’s family this year and I am running out of excuses as to why we can’t go.

I get on with my in-laws brilliantly, and have done since the day I arrived back from our honeymoon and lived with them while our house was being built. They have a very active role in our lives and that of our three young kids, and we genuinely all get on well.

The problem lies in my sister-in-law, who has recently returned from abroad and has moved into her new home a few miles away. She is very excited about hosting Christmas Day but I struggle to feel comfortable in her company as I constantly feel I am being judged.

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She did very well for herself working abroad for many years and has come home and built her own house, which is a credit to her. But she constantly remarks on how much work we still have to do to ours, which is irritating to say the least. She has no interest in her nieces and nephew and seems to resent the time they spend with their granny, her mother. My fear is that these issues could boil over on the big day and ruin it for everyone.

I don’t want to offend my in-laws and my husband thinks I’m being rude. He’s insisting we go, even trying to sell it to me that it’ll be a day off cooking. I’d rather cook for 100 than sit in a place I don’t feel comfortable on what is such a special day.

A frustrated wife and mother,

Co Wicklow

Dear reader,

Christmas can be such a stressful time for many families as the dynamics of spending the day with people you don’t choose to be with at any other time of the year can be taxing.

You say you get on well with your husband’s parents, which is a great advantage in navigating how you approach this festive season.

If this is your sister-in-law’s first Christmas home in some time, and coupled with her moving into her new house, you are under quite a bit of pressure to row in and accept her invitation.

However, given you feel so strongly about the situation, you will have to insist that your husband can compromise on the logistics of Christmas Day itself, limiting the time you and your sister-in-law will be in each other’s company.

However, if you really feel the experience is too toxic, chat to your husband and suggest that you start your own family tradition, having Christmas dinner at home, just the five of you

The fact you have small children suggests the discovery of what Santa has brought will take up a lot of Christmas morning. This will buy you precious hours to spend with your children, who no doubt will want to play with their toys, and you can agree a time later in the morning or after lunch to arrive at your host’s house.

Children also have be home for bedtime so this also allows you an early escape. The chances are you’ll only have to endure two or three hours, in the name of festive harmony.

However, if you really feel the experience is too toxic, chat to your husband and suggest that you start your own family tradition, having Christmas dinner at home, just the five of you. You deserve your voice to be heard in how you would like to spend the day. Be aware however, that this may cause arguments with your in-laws so you need to weigh it up and assess which is the lesser of two evils.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie