I hope you can help me with something that’s causing unexpected tension at home. I’m a full-time dairy farmer, so it involves long days, which I’m very happy to do as I’m the third generation of my family farming here in Tipperary. I have a wonderful wife, who works part-time as a dental hygienist and we have three young children, all of whom are healthy and happy.

The issue might seem small, but it’s becoming a real point of friction. The one thing I look forward to at the end of the day is to wind down by reading in bed, but my wife finds the light disruptive and insists the lamp stays off.

I suggested going into the spare room to read and she nearly lost her life. I think she thought I wanted a divorce or something. But she doesn’t seem to appreciate that this is the one hour of the day where no one bothers me and I get to indulge my passion for books.

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I have suggested I get a small torch or she could wear an eye mask to help block out the light, but she told me I’m being ridiculous. She thinks I need my sleep more than straining my eyes with a book, but every time I try to convince her it’s something I enjoy, it ends up in a fight.

I’m trying to find a solution that works for both of us. Can you help us find a compromise, please?

– Bookworm, Co Tipperary

Dear reader,

I too love to read at night; I find it helps me sleep so much better as it keeps me away from the doomscrolling on my phone that can last a lot longer than reading a few chapters.

Being totally honest, I think your wife is being unreasonable. I’d say something if you were listening to an audiobook in bed, that would be annoying for someone who was trying to sleep beside you, but if you have a book in your hand and a bedside light on, you shouldn’t be bothering her too much.

However, I can appreciate that a lot of people can only sleep in a darkened room, so I imagine, that is the source of her frustration with your night time habit.

I would try to talk to your wife, before nighttime comes around, as none of us are at our most rational at the end of a long day, especially where caring for young children is concerned

Perhaps you could invest in a Kindle, most of which have an in-built screen light that would remove the need for a lamp to be on when your wife wants to go to sleep?

Or if you’re like me and prefer the feel of a book in your hand, you could go ahead with that proposal of a torch to see if it would help minimise the disruption to your wife. You can get some very discreet LED versions that clip on to your book, which would do the job perfectly.

I would try to talk to your wife, before nighttime comes around, as none of us are at our most rational at the end of a long day, especially where caring for young children is concerned.

But if you find the right moment to explain that reading relaxes you and helps you sleep, she may be less resistant to the idea. If she still can’t accept the disruption to her own sleep routine then maybe sleeping in another room a couple of nights a week on a trial basis might keep everyone happy. It is worth a try.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie.